Changing Our Ways (KIRA)

[Deleted]

Ash couldn't seem to concentrate. He was worried about Saga, no matter what she said or did to make her seem like she was better again. He just knew that that couldn't fully be the case and at some point soon something was going to happen that would make her truly unhappy and scared again and he wanted to be ready to help her through that. But Lawson didn't see it that way, he just wanted to make her laugh and having those feelings in his head was really distracting him. His mind kept wondering off on its own and it was frustrating to say the least.

But he still managed to smile at Saga because she was his whole world. Despite his worries he really did want to make her happy, just like Lawson. He loved her with all his heart and he wanted everything to be good for her again. "Sounds like a good idea, what do you want to play?"

[Lotus]

Saga forced out a giggle and sat on one of the couches. Lawson spread out on the other, whilst Ash spread out next to her on the one she was sitting on. "I was thinking we could just play that question game like before? I want to know the weirdest little things so we're closer." She felt her cheeks flush a little, but from the way Lawson was grinning it was a good idea. She turned to Ash and he had the same expression. Guess, the question game was a hit after all.

All three of them found so many things out about each other during the time asking any question that popped into their heads. The funny thing was how much Ash and Lawson were re-learning about each other, and Saga couldn't help but feel the swell of pride in her heart at them. They were finally, fully getting along and they were acting like the twin brothers they should never have stopped being.

It was a few hours before the front door clicked open and her parents walked in. They were shocked to say the least to see her sitting on the couch laughing with the boys, before both of them broke down into sobs. They all hugged and cried some more before lunch was made and they all felt like a proper family. And that's what they were, a proper family.

All too soon Saga became tired, and Ash carried her up the stairs; despite her protests that she could walk up them on her own. In her room though she made the boys go back downstairs to get to know her parents better, seeing that they hadn't left her room when she'd been out cold. They needed to get along finally, and it would give Saga time to have a little look at the notebook she'd found in Ace's room.

[Deleted]

Ash was nervous, and the feeling was magnified and being reflected back off of Lawson tenfold. The two boys found themselves sitting awkwardly on the edge of one of the sofas in Saga's living room. Across from them sat her parents, her mother was smiling happily - she was still excited and pleased with the fact her daughter was getting better again - whilst her father sat there with a blank expression on is face but his eyes were full of scrutiny over the boys. It seemed like they were never going to fully earn their trust and that bugged Ash because he wanted her dad to like him, to like both of them, because that would make Saga truly happy and he wanted that more then anything.

He smiled a tiny bit as he thought back to the previous few hours, the way they had all been laughing and happy. Playing around with one another. It was almost as if the terrible things had never happened and they were just a normal couple. How he wished that could be the case.

His heart rate sped up to a mile a minute as soon as her dad asked the first question.

[Lotus]

When she was sure everyone was downstairs, Saga sat up and swung her legs over the edge of her bed. She reached under her pillow and her breathing hitched as her fingers touched the rough edge of her brothers notebook. She pulled it out and ran her fingers over the cover. She looked up to her ceiling and tried to calm her breathing; she needed to know what was inside. She couldn't let it go after the brief glimpse she'd seen. She knew it was going to be bad, but nothing prepared her for what she found.

She started of small and opened the cover to, thankfully, just find a front page with his name scrawled across it. She took a deep breath and turned the next page. There wasn't much writing, and as she turned the book round in interest she found most of it was photos. She turned each page and her eyes grew wider and wider in fear. Photos of her, the people she'd talked with, the place she sat to read, the place Ash had taken her in the woods, then Jaida. The part that tore her apart was the photos of Jaida because they weren't just of the fluffy little kitten she'd once had, but through the stages of what he'd put her little baby through. She felt the need to throw up again, but she quickly turned the page.

This time it turned to the one with her portrait photo mixed with some of her photoshoot photos. The one's where she'd been with Ace and the man she'd been forced to kiss. Words were scrawled all around them; 'Hate', 'Slut', 'Whore'. Over and over again. She felt tears in her eyes, but the worst was yet to come.

[Deleted]

Ash chewed his lip as he sat on the sofa. He didn't know why but he felt uneasy. Not just nervous, but as if something was wrong. Lawson felt it too and to Ash's relief he helped to distract her parents from his brother. Lawson answered all of the questions that were thrown their way, making her parents focus on him rather than Ash. Whilst his brother sat there numbly, some unknown worry building up inside of him and making him feel scared.

Ash pushed it aside. It was something he had been trained to do, to push aside fear. But the uneasiness in his stomach just didn't seem to settle and he began to wonder what it meant.

[Lotus]

Saga knew she hadn't seen the worst, but she hadn't been expecting what she saw when she turned to the final few pages of the notebook that were filled. Her breath caught in her throat as she read the title of this supposed section; 'Kill Plan'. She knew instantly that it was referring to her, because after all, the whole notebook had been about how much her little brother hated her. But to go as far as murdering her, that was unsettling in so many ways.

She looked down the page and saw detailed diagrams, lists of weapons, people to involve, places to do it and then finally how it would happen. She didn't want to read it, but she had to. She had to know how messed up her younger brother was. What she didn't realise was how terrified it would make her. She read and read, trying to take as much in as possible without her tears marring the words.

She found the majority of Ace's friends were on the list to help him, some luring her, some beating her to get it started and then Ace finishing her off. It was supposed to happen somewhere secluded, and he'd chosen it to be one of the back rooms in the arena or the training centre; whichever worked best it looked like. She was used to beatings. Ever since she stopped being a career she was used to them, getting worse as she got older. That would've been the part she could handle, but Ace's part of the plan was terrifying and if he ever had a chance to carry it out she knew she'd be a goner. He'd planned on using as many of his own weapons as he could. First by torturing her with his knives collection, cutting her body till she was weak from blood loss. Then he'd chain her up and gag her so her could whip her till she was nearly unconscious, but before she passed out fully him and his friends would give her one last, hard beating that would ensure broken bones till they left her for dead.

She shut the notebook quickly, tears streaming down her face. She knew Ace hated her, she knew the careers hated her, but this much? It was terrifying. The last sentence was what creeped her out the most though; 'Don't really care who has to put the plan into action, but it will happen, even if I'm not here.' That was it. She shoved the book under her pillow and walked to her window, hands in her hair in terror. She shook her head; this couldn't be happening. She cried out, but she heard people coming upstairs. She ran to her bed and got under the covers, pretending to be asleep and having a nightmare. No one could know about this.

[Deleted]

Ash couldn't take it much longer. The uneasiness in him was growing to such an extreme that he was starting to panic. His breathing becoming more laboured. Lawson picked up on it and turned to his brother whilst Saga's mum was speaking. He raised an eyebrow at his brother in question over what was wrong. Lawson could feel Ash starting to get panicky but he just didn't know why. Ash shook his head at his brother, how could he explain what was happening when he didn't know himself.

He needed to calm down, but breathing techniques weren't working. Saga. Saga had kept him calm before. He knew he was asleep but maybe if he went and sat with her for a bit things would be ok. He stood up abruptly. "Sorry Mr and mrs Gregorio.. I'm just going to go to the bathroom, if you don't mind." He tried to sound polite but the panic wasn't helping.

He turned and quickly left the room, making his way upstairs and into her bedroom. He smiled a little when he saw lying on the bed sleeping. He walked over to her gently, brushing back a strand of hair that had fallen onto her beautiful face. He felt better already. But that was when he noticed the tear streaks down her cheeks. He gently sat on the edge of the bed. Worried.

"Saga baby? Are you alright?" He whispered.

[Lotus]

She pretended to wake up startled when she heard Ash's voice. As soon as her eyes opened and landed on him she flung her arms around him and held him tight. "Just a nightmare. That's all." She hated lying to him, but she couldn't voice what she'd just seen. She knew she should, but she couldn't find the words and she couldn't bring herself to show anyone the notebook. It may be the fact that reading it may change their mind and they'd get in on the plan, or the fact that the less people that knew, the safer they'd be around her.

She felt her tears slowly drying up and she let out once last sob before snuggling into Ash's chest and taking a deep breath. "How were my parents?"

[Deleted]

Ash wrapped his arms around his girl and tried his best to soothe her. He knew she would never lie but he didn't think she had been asleep when he came in. He should have come up sooner.

He pulled back from her and smiled sheepishly."Lawson did all the talking" he said as his explanation. He didn't know what she would think about him and her parents. He especially didn't know what her parents felt about him. He reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear gently.

[Lotus]

Saga felt her cheeks flush slightly at his small gesture and she smiled softly. "You'll all warm up to each other soon enough. Just don't be afraid of them. Besides, you're my hero, saving me from my bullies, so you shouldn't be scared of my parents." She forced out a small giggled before relaxing into his embrace. The little notebook momentarily forgotten.

***

Three days had passed and Saga's state had gotten worse. She would stay hold up in her bedroom and jump at the littlest things. She was terrified and it was because of that tiny notebook. She couldn't force herself to pick it up anymore, which meant that it was stuck under her pillow. She laid awake at night, too scared to close her eyes. Her boys were in Ace's old room and she couldn't help but feel scared for their lives, so she thought it was best to suffer alone and then they wouldn't be dragged down.

It was night time currently and Saga was sitting on her couch staring out at the night sky. Everyone was asleep, thinking she was okay. She knew they were worrying about why she was getting worse, but she just assured them that she would be okay soon; it was just taking her a while to come to terms with things. She shook her head as silent tears streaked down her face. She was mentally and physically exhausted, but she wouldn't allow her eyes to close.

She reached over and grabbed her sketch book; it had been her saviour for the past few days. All the sketches of her nightmares were in it just to get them out of her head. She flicked through it and stopped at the one she'd drawn of Ash, her and Lawson. She traced her fingers over the words and smiled sadly before grabbing her rubber and erasing herself from the drawing; after all if Ace got his way that's how it would be. She slowly turned the rest of the pages as tears streaked down her cheeks. Drawings of her being attacked in different ways filled the pages, of her bullies faces contorted in rage as they attacked her and Ace overlooking it all. There was even a sketch of her in the alleyway where her virginity had been stolen in a frenzy.

She sighed and wiped her eyes, turning to a clean page. She drew a quick, rushed sketch of herself curled into a corner with her head in her hands; isolated from everything and anything. 'Why Me?' she wrote above it in her elegant script. She sighed and let a tear drop to the page before she shut the sketch book. She threw it down beside her, not realising it flew open to reveal all her thoughts and sketches as she stood up. She was going to face her fear and not let herself be that girl in her last sketch anymore.

She grabbed her hoodie and pulled it on before slowly walking out of her bedroom after giving Hope a kiss on the head. She silently made her way downstairs and opened the back door. She took a deep breath and took a shaky step outside. The grass between her toes calmed her and she pulled her hood up to stop her hair flying around. She stood in the middle of her garden and sunk to the floor, staring up at the sky. It was peaceful and she was calm for once; the stars guiding her onto a new, happier path. She slowly felt her eyes closing and she fell into her first peaceful sleep.

[Deleted]

Ash was worried sick and Lawson could feel it. He was surprised at how well his usually emotionally stunted brother was able to feel all of this emotion and yet manage to hide it from those around him. Lawson was worried too, they all were. Saga just seemed to be getting worse, she barely left her room any more. She hardly ate, and she did so only after a lot of encouraging from Ash. He didn't know what was wrong, none of them did. But Ash was taking it worst of all. Lawson knew he blamed himself for her deterioration only he didn't quite know why that was the case. It made no sense.

Lawson was lying in bed staring at the silent. The glow of light behind the curtains was slowly starting to lighten and grow. It was basically dawn now and he didn't think he had any more then four hours sleep. He was too worried about Saga. But not just about her declining health. He was worried of what might happen if he didn't contain his feelings for her, if she found out he would lose both her and Ash. Lawson sighed and rolled out of bed. He needed some water.

Padding out onto the landing as silently as he could he noticed that Saga's bedroom door was slightly ajar. That was odd. He knew he was breaking basically all of the rules her father had laid down for the two of them on condition for living here. But he didn't care. Lawson was curious.

He slowly reached out a hand and pushed the door further open. Moving his head round to see inside he noticed the bed was empty. He checked the sofa, no sign of anyone there. He stilled, listening out for other movement in the house but there was nothing. No sound. He furrowed hsi brow. Where was she?

Lawson was a little worried now as he made his way into the empty room. A soft mew was heard from the cat bed in the corner, Hope was still in the room and relatively calm. Lawson approached the little kitten and held out his hand for her to sniff. Standing back up he looked around the room. Saga was definitely not here and that worried him.

He was feeling a little panicked and about to go and wake up Ash to try and find her when something caught his eye. He stooped down to pick up the object and sunk into the sofa with it in his hands. Letting out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding, Lawson took in the drawing on the page. He didn't want to look at it but he knew he needed to. It was done by Saga, there was no doubting that. But the images, they were awful. He turned the page and saw another, and another, and another. Lawson threw the book down and stood up.

He needed to find her. He needed to make sure that she was alright. If that was what she had been drawing then what had she been thinking? He was scared for her. He didn't know what he could do. He just needed to find her.

Still trying to be quiet he made his way downstairs. She wasn't upstairs, Lawson knew that much. He searched the house with the aid of the growing morning light. But she wasn't downstairs. He began to panic. Surely she wouldn't have left the house? Saga wasn't stupid. She had been scared of going outside. So she wouldn't have snuck out, surely?

Where else could she be though? He knew she wasn't in the house. But she wouldn't have gone out on the streets, where was there for her to go? But if she wasn't inside...

Garden!

Lawson moved quickly, his heart racing a mile a minute. He was filled with panic and crippling hope at the same time. It was an odd feeling. Bursting through the back door he saw a dark figure curled up on the grass. He made himself slow as he approached her. It had to be her.

Kneeling down in the damp grass beside the figure he tentatively reached out a hand and placed it on what he assumed was there shoulder. "Saga?" He said in a hope filled voice.

[Lotus]

Saga was peaceful, for the first time in a long time she was truly peaceful. She had no dreams and she slept soundly; which was strange considering she was outside, on the grass and she'd been terrified to even sit near a window. She was slowly woken though by a panicked voice and she shot up, her head spinning from the sudden movement. She looked to her right and no one was there and then she looked to her left and saw a very worried and unhappy Lawson. She furrowed her eyebrows together as she stared at him, but he just stared back not saying a word. "Lawson?"

That finally got him out of his trance like state and he shook his head. He sighed and it was like he was having a battle with himself, but eventually someone had one and he wrapped Saga in his arms. She snuggled in to the warmth he provided her and closed her eyes, sighing softly and sadly all at once. She couldn't shake the feeling of him being with her. It was like Ash and Lawson were both the person she needed in her life but they gave her and acted different towards her. She didn't understand it and she was scared she was developing feelings for Lawson, but she knew that was a silly idea to have. Especially at this time in her life.

Slowly she felt him moving and she was lifted up into his arms; bridal style. She snuggled into the crook of his neck and took a deep breath. She could have sworn she felt him freeze at that moment before he started walking with a quickened heart beat. He took her inside and up to her room, where Ash was sitting. She would have smiled if it hadn't been for that fact that he was holding Ace's notebook. Her face paled as he looked up with anger in his eyes. She shook her head and wriggled in Lawson's arms, falling to the ground with a thump. Then she turned and ran out of her room, heading for the bathroom so she could lock the door.

This was not supposed to happen, was all she could think.

[Deleted]

Lawson was so relieved when Saga woke up. He glanced at her briefly, she seemed physically unharmed but the look in her eyes reminded him of how vulnerable she truly was. For a moment he went to reach out and hug her but stopped himself before he could move. He shouldn't do that, not when he was thinking of like he had been. It would do no good to let himself get close to her. To hold her like he wanted to. He didn't know how he would react to that if he let himself get away with it. But at the same time, she was so vulnerable and she must be so cold. He cared about her, and he couldn't just leave her in that position. He may not have her but that didn't mean he would let any more harm befall her.

Lawson pulled Saga towards him and held her tight. She was cold from being outside and he did his best to keep her warm. He hoped that it was working. He stood up gently. He needed to get Saga back to bed before anyone else noticed that both of them were missing. He wanted to talk to her about what was in her sketchbook but now wasn't the time to do so. He would later though, he couldn't just pretend that it didn't exist. He began to walk when she nuzzled into him. For a moment he was torn. He so badly wanted to kiss her, the feeling of her curling into him for support. It made him feel loved and that was what he wanted. But he also knew it was a bad thing, she couldn't know how he felt. He took a deep breath and headed upstairs.

Ash had faked sleep for the last few hours and had heard Lawson get up. He had thought nothing of it until too much time had passed for him to just be going to the bathroom. He rolled out of bed to investigate, walking down the corridor he noticed that both the bathroom door and Saga's were open. Ash didn't know why but he went to check on Saga, he felt like he needed to make sure that she was alright.

Her room was empty and that scared Ash. He knew he shouldn't panic as she was probably fine but he had been so scared about her the past few days that every little thing that went wrong sent his heart racing a mile a minute and had him petrified. He felt stupid, but he was shaking a little bit. He sunk onto her bed for support and that was when he had felt something hard beneath her pillow.

He knew it was wrong to but he pulled out the book anyway. Just by looking at the cover he knew it wasn't a diary and that had his curiosity peaked. He wanted to know what was going on and against the small warning voice in the back of his head he flicked open the book and leafed through the pages.

He wished he had listened to the voice as he saw page after page of drawings and descriptions that made him both sick and angry. Blood boilingly angry. Ace. That bastard! How and why would he think up these things to do to his sister?! Ash very nearly felt sick at one particular page where her brother was analysing why his friends wanted Saga. Ash knew, after what had happened to her, he knew what his sicko friends wanted and it made Ash want to kill them all.

That was when Lawson and saga walked in. For a moment when he looked at her he wondered why she hadn't told him about the book but as she ran out of the room it hit him. She was scared.

Lawson was staring at him blankly, Ash didn't care he got up and pushed past his brother heading straight for the bathroom and Saga. The whole while trying to make himself calm down so he didn't scare her further. He knocked on the door. "Saga, Saga. Baby let me in? Please?"

[Lotus]

Saga slid down the bathroom door till she hit the floor. She heard Ash's words, of course she heard him, but she didn't have the strength to reply. He wasn't supposed to find out about the notebook, he wasn't supposed to worry about it. She just felt that if he knew he'd do something stupid because of it and she'd lose him. She had to keep him safe. Scrap that, she had to keep both him and Lawson safe. They were hers and she wasn't going to let anyone take that away from her, even if it meant sacrificing herself instead.

Everything was her fault. It would have been fine if she'd just stayed in her room instead of going outside to face her fears. She'd made a hash of it all again and she didn't know how much more she could take. She pushed herself up off the floor as tears began streaming down her face silently. She reached for the bathroom cupboard and took out all the boxes of medication she had in there. There were things to help rid her of her pain, things to help her sleep at night and things that were supposed to help calm her nerves down after such a traumatic experience but they only resulted in making her drowsy. She filled a glass with water after emptying every tablet out onto the bathroom floor.

She sat back down and took a look back at the door. Her boys were behind it as she'd recently heard Lawson come to stand by it as well. They deserved better than all the turmoil she'd caused in their lives. They had everything going for them and they still would when she was out of the picture. The main thing? They'd be safe. "I love you, the both of you." She whispered ever so softly to herself before she preceded to take every tablet she'd emptied out, swallowing as many as she could at one time.

Slowly there were none left on the floor and she cleared the boxes into the bin. She sat back down with her head against the bath. Now all she had to do was wait.

[Deleted]

Ash waited, he knocked on the door and there was no response. He thought that maybe she just needed time. He tried to apologise for being angry but she didn't respond. He was scared that his anger had pushed her away, that she wouldn't come back. That was the last thing he wanted for her not to come back. He needed her.

But as time passed he was beginning to panic and not even Lawson could get him to calm down. Eventually Ash had had enough, he needed to talk to her. To get her to explain why she had hid that awful thing. But most importantly to talk to her, to tell her how he was not going to let any of those things happen to her. Although, some of it was just too late. But he was going to protect her properly from now on and he was going to make sure that Saga knew it. He was about ready to break down the door when Lawson pushed him aside.

"Let me pick the lock you idiot. Her parents don't need any more reasons to dislike us." Lawson told his brother before setting to work. Ash paced up and down the corridor with his head in his hands. He was anxious and scared. When Lawson announced he was done Ash pushed past him to get into the room but stopped short. Saga was on the floor, she looked like she was asleep but the empty medicine bottles suggested otherwise.

Ash collapsed next to her, pulling her head into his lap and gently stroking her hair. "Saga... oh Saga baby... baby what have you done? You can't leave me... I love you baby... oh why? What did you do?" He stuttered out, trying to hold back sobs.

Lawson went in after Ash, took one look at the situation cursed and ran to get help. He couldn't let Saga go. He couldn't lose her, just as much as Ash couldn't.

[Lotus]

It had taken a little while but eventually everything started to take effect. Her vision was incredibly hazy and her body was as heavy as lead. She couldn't remember the reason why she'd done this to herself, but she knew there had been a valid reason for it. She couldn't control the pain that washed through her body as the toxins from the medication were absorbed by her organs and spread throughout her. It was taking it's time, but the other option was far more gruesome and she had wanted to save everyone some pain. She didn't want them seeing her a mess.

She heard muffled noises and strange movements to her body but nothing was clear. Her eyes had long since shut and the world was slowly starting to disappear. She felt lost and lonely, but she knew it was for the better. Better for her to be lonely than have other people brought down with her. Soon her body started to convulse just like it should do as her body tried to get rid of and cope with the amount of medication she'd ingested. It wouldn't be long now and then all her pain would go away. She was slipping into a dark void that she knew wasn't death, but rather the middle part where she'd just be unconscious as a way for her body to try and preserve her longer. She wished she could skip that part, but it happened anyway and she knew she'd seen the last of the world as her body started to go limp as she drifted away slowly.

[Deleted]

Ash began to panic, the doctor wasn't getting there quick enough. Saga seemed to be getting colder and stiller. Her mother was crying and her father was glaring at him. Only Lawson seemed to be calm, but Ash could feel the worry peeling off of him. He was just hiding it. Ash blamed himself for what had happened, he never should have looked at that book. Or got angry at it. Especially shouldn't have let her think the anger was directed at her. It seemed like her father blamed him to.

Ash just held her close, he refused to move. He sat on the bathroom floor with Saga in his lap, stroking her hair and whispering soothing things in her ear about how much he loved her and how amazing she was. Only, he didn't know if she could hear him or not. The longer it took the harder it became for him to breathe.

But eventually, the doctor arrived. It was the same one that had come every other time that Saga had taken a turn for a worse. This time he barely even looked at her. He just noted what Lawson told him about the medication and ordered them to get her to the hospital as soon as possible. Ash was shaking so hard at this point that it was Lawson and her dad that had to carry Saga. Ash's chest felt so tight that every breath was becoming hard.

He trailed behind, his panic increasing tenfold. It got worse the moment they were inside the hospital. Saga was taken away from them, whisked off to the ICU, leaving the family in the corridor. Waiting around. Lawson seemed to have taken on Ash's previous role of concerned but decision making party. Ash was a mess and it scared his brother greatly. He had never seen him so vulnerable.

Ash was scared. He could barely stand but no one seemed to notice. Saga's mum did though. Ash was sitting on the floor, leaning up against the wall outside Saga's hospital room with his head in his hands. His breath was long and labored but the panic was slowly subsiding now that he knew she was being treated. Her mum came and sat next to Ash on the floor which shocked him. What shocked him even more was that she held onto his hand as if to support him. Ash looked up and smiled gently at her, she was still crying but so was he. He had let everyone see his weakness and it didn't even bother him. Not now.

The doctor came out of the room, he didn't even notice the pair of them on the floor. He went straight to her dad and the two of them spoke in hushed tones. Eventually they seemed to reach some sort of agreement and the doctor disappeared.

"They're going to put her into a coma... to help her recover." Her dad said, his voice barely above a whisper. His tone was calm and measured. But once he was done he broke down into tears and joined the others on the floor. This was the last straw. It had finally gotten too much. The heartache over Saga's health and wellbeing and even the strongest among them were breaking down. They just needed her to be alright and to get better. Permanently.

[Lotus]

Saga's eyes felt a little heavy as they fluttered open slowly, but they were immediately squeezed shut when a bright light met them. She shied away from it, but then she heard the beeping and she smelt that sterile smell. She hadn't succeeded in ridding the people she loved of the burden that she was, but instead hooked up in the hospital that she was starting to despise. She opened her eyes again, and was met by faces that she didn't recognise. She didn't understand and she started to panic, which caused her heart rate monitor to go off the grid.

She heard a commotion around her as people in white moved around, trying to calm her down. But all these people were just stressing her out and scaring her more. She didn't know them and she was alone. What was going on?! But then two familiar feelings touched both of her hands and she was engulfed in the presence of Lawson and Ash, calming her down immediately. They both looked exhausted and in pain, and she wondered why they looked so terrible. Were they hurt?

[Deleted]

Four days. Four days they had waited. During that short time, although it felt like a millenia, the whole dynamic of their group had changed. Lawson had watched it with a pained expression on his face. Strong, supportive, arrogant and dominating Ash had gone. He didn't fight with the doctors about seeing Saga. He didn't argue with her dad about how it wasn't his fault. He just sat in the corner of her hospital room staring at her bed. Starting any time someone came in, as if he wasn't aware of where he was. The silent tears had stopped completely by the second day. Lawson didn't think his brother had slept since the whole ordeal began. He didn't talk, just stared with a lost and pained expression on his face. Saga's mum was the only reason he was eating. Ash was broken.

Saga's parents hadn't cut themselves off like Ash. Her mum tried to keep calm. Mothering Ash and taking care of him. But every now and then her facade would break and she'd let out a strangled sob before running off. She usually came back within the hour. They all acted as if nothing had happened.

Her dad, he seemed to have lost his confidence. Whenever a decision was needed to be made he would look to Lawson for help. Lawson felt responsible for all of them. He kept his emotions bottled up. He neede to be strong. He was the only one to leave the hospital, to get them clean clothes. That was when he let his pain out. Half hour training. Attacking the dummy as if it were those pills, those books, the bullies, Ace. Letting it all out so he could go back to the hospital and be the calm and collected one.

On the fourth day the doctors told them that the toxins had been flushed from her system. That she was ready to be woken up. But they couldn't do it straight away, not until Ash snapped out of his morose state. It took a while but they got him ready.

He sat by her side and held onto her hand. Lawson held the other. For the first time in a while Ash smiled."hey beautiful... I've missed you."

[Lotus]

Saga blinked a little before her eyes fully focused on Ash and the words he spoke. She looked towards Lawson and then back to Ash. Why did they look so tired and worn out? She knew she would probably fail in the one thing she should have done to rid them all of her burden, but she didn't think they'd actually stay with her. She'd wanted them to accept it and move on with the lives that they should have. She opened her mouth to speak but she didn't really know what to say, after all she'd just overdosed so there wasn't a lot to say.

She shook her head softly as tears suddenly started cascading down her cheeks. This reminded her of the one too many times she'd been in this hospital in a similar situation. She didn't want to do this again, she just wanted it all to end. She either wanted to be okay or just gone completely and neither of those things would be happening any time soon. She was engulfed in two pairs of arms and the smells of Ash and Lawson surrounded her. She didn't know where she'd be without them; probably dead if they hadn't have found her. The tears kept coming and she could hear very little that was being said around the room or in fact in her ear because she was pretty sure they were trying to comfort her, but the words just didn't make any sense.

Slowly the tears dried up and she sniffed as the last one fell down her cheeks. She cleared her throat and asked the one question she needed to know the answer to. "W-hy a-m I he-re?" At that moment Ash's eyes filled with tears and as she turned to Lawson she realised his were also the same. Her eyes grew wide, and she shook her head. They couldn't care this much, they needed to live their lives! Neither of them said anything though, but Ash got up and walked out and he was quickly followed by Lawson. She watched their retreating backs before more tears streaked down her cheeks.

A doctor came over to her and she vaguely recognised him. He was approaching her with caution and he had a syringe in his hands. She shook her head and started thrashing around, screaming that she didn't want anything else in her. She'd already killed herself enough. Yes, she may have wanted to die but now she was scared to just because of the looks on Ash and Lawson's faces. She couldn't hurt them, even though when her dying and living were hurting them anyway. She was stuck but no way in hell was she having something inside her again.

She felt hands restraining her and then a pin prick in her arm before her eye lids grew heavy. Little did she know that the next time she woke up she'd be faced with restraints around her wrists and a slightly different personality.