Changing Our Ways (KIRA)

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. So I was actually doing this. I was going to the woods with someone I used to train with. Someone I hadn't seen in years. Someone that had pressured me into coming out this afternoon. If I'd had my way, I'd never have agreed, but I was scared to say no. I looked over at Ash and tried to put on the facade that I knew was the better version of myself. "Sure. I'm alright. Don't act so scared. It's like you've never been around a girl before." I let out a little laugh. I realised that by trying to act happy and trying to enjoy what could be a nightmare, was actually making me happy and enjoy myself. Strange... (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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{OOC: Template still in alterations though...haha...tired now}

[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I looked at Saga, a little uncertain as to whether she was genuinely being serious. The joking confused me a little bit, especially seeing as I thought she was so uncertain before. But, it was better if I just moved on.

I laughed back at Saga. "I'm not scared!" I said playfully, pulling myself up so that mockingly looked brave. I ignored the comment about being with a girl though, I didn't know the best way to respond to that one.

I started walking in the direction of the woods, I turned back to look at Saga and said with a smile on my face: "You coming then or what?"

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. I smiled at him and let out the best laugh I could conjure up. "You say you're not scared. But, you never know. I could be the scariest person you'll ever meet!" Then I actually grinned. I shocked myself, but I actually did it. To Ash. I stopped grinning; shocked, and then couldn't help but not. He started walking off. When he turned back to ask if I was coming, I tried to show him that everything was properly okay. "Of course I am. I didn't get forced out just to stand around dillydallying!" I smiled a little again. (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

When I turned back she was grinning; that made me feel a lot better as I knew I didn't have to worry about her not being happy. I laughed at what she said, "dillydallying?!" I grinned back at Saga as I waited for her to catch up. "I think I like that word," I said playfully.

I started walking again, pleased that she wanted to join me. "Well we better not start dillydallying and get a move on!"

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. I smiled and looked down shaking my head. "Don't over use it or it'll lose all meaning!" I looked up at him and smiled. "Overkill is the worst." I was glad he'd thought something I said was funny. He might say that the use of the word was good, but in truth it was my geeky side coming out and whether or not he realised, he was laughing at me. But then again, if I could laugh about it then it wasn't all too bad. I continued walking beside him as I went quiet. Maybe he'd think of some interesting topic to talk about. I had nothing now. (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I smiled at Saga, "yes ma'am" I said teasingly. I knew I'd probably just appeared dumb again to Saga but that didn't matter anymore; as long as I kept the stupidness down to a minimum she might not notice as much. I smiled at Saga as we walked, but we'd fallen into silence.

I didn't know if I should start the conversation or not, I was worried that if I did she would think I was stupid. We walked a little further and it became clear that I needed to say something to her. "umm.. so... what type of books do you read?" I asked uncertainly, I knew I wouldn't be able to contribute much to the conversation personally but it was better to talk about her. Or so I thought.

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. I was shocked at the turn in conversation. never would I have thought Ash to be someone interested in talking about book genres. But it was something I loved to talk about, I just never had anyone to talk about it with. "I like pretty much anything really. Adventures and romance are probably my favourite. They're always so compelling and interesting. I can never get enough of them. This one that I'm reading now is my all time favourite. Probably the fifth time I've read it. But there's one type that I definitely won't read and that's horrors. I'm useless with that sort of..." I trailed off. I'd just gone and blabbed on about books that I read while he was probably standing there thinking about how weird and crazy I was. "I'm so sorry... I kind of have a real geek side to me don't I?" I laughed a little. (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I smiled as she spoke. She seemed really happy when she was talking about books and although I knew nothing about them and I hardly ever read, not even passages for school, I found myself being genuinely interested in what she had to say. I liked the idea that she was scared of ghost stories.

I smiled at what she said about being a bit geeky, but that didn't bother me. "Maybe you do... but I think its cute..." The last part just slipped out. I didn't even realise it had. I was a little panicked for a moment, what would she think of me now?

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. I staggered a little in my steps and tried to recover without making too much of a scene. What had he said? He thought my geeky side was cute?! How could that even possibly make sense? I was resented by people for that. I was beaten up for that! I tried to brush it aside but I couldn't help the colour my face had turned. It was burning. "Anyway... Let's not let that side out too much. It's not all that great." I needed to think of something to turn the conversation around. "Do you read anything?" Absolutely brilliant turn around that was. (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I saw her a blush and I didn't know why but that made my heart leap a little bit. I smiled at Saga, I didn't know why she wanted to hide the geeky side. The more I thought about it the more I realised that it was cute, she was cute. But I couldn't think like that, I shouldn't.

I was a little shocked at her question. I didn't know what to say, I was lost. What would she think of me if she knew that I didn't read? But then, I couldn't lie to her either. "umm... well... you've probably guessed that I'm not the brightest... and..." I felt myself blush, "well... I'm not that good a reader... so I... well I... I don't..." I looked at my feet.

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. I was cautious but I reached out and put a hand on his arm. "No need to feel embarrassed about that. It's not to everyone's liking. Ace is just the same." I smiled softly. The idea of helping him with his studies cam back to the front of my thoughts again. I let my hand drop from his arm, worried about what he was thinking. After all, he'd just voiced that he thought I was 'cute'. "Y'a know. If you wanted...I could..." I trailed off. I didn't want that side known properly. I didn't want him to think he was in need. That wouldn't bode well. (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I tried to push back my embarrassment; I didn't want Saga to know how I felt about this. I tried to go back to being strong again. But my heart stopped for a moment when she touched my arm and I couldn't help but smile. I didn't know why but I was really glad that she'd done that.

I lifted my head back up when she stopped talking. "Saga, what is it? You can say whatever ya'know?" I said gently to her. I didn't know what she was on about but I wanted to.

[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I tried to push back my embarrassment; I didn't want Saga to know how I felt about this. I tried to go back to being strong again. But my heart stopped for a moment when she touched my arm and I couldn't help but smile. I didn't know why but I was really glad that she'd done that.

I lifted my head back up when she stopped talking. "Saga, what is it? You can say whatever ya'know?" I said gently to her. I didn't know what she was on about but I wanted to.

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. I shook my head to clear it a little because I knew he wouldn't give in. He was that sort of person that had to know and wouldn't leave it until he knew. Maybe that's why he was still a career. He could handle situations. "I was going to suggest me helping you...'cause I have a geeky side and you seem hurt that you're not,as you put it, clever. But it's a bad idea. Real bad idea." I said the last part more to myself than to him but I knew he'd pick up on it. I didn't know what flirting was, but by me suggesting that I hoped that he wouldn't class it as me trying to do that. That would make everything a lot more awkward. (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

It sank in, what she was saying. At first the idea was daunting and embarrassing but then I thought about it, it was sill daunting but I was glad that she had suggested it. I didn't want to appear stupid anymore, especially not to Saga. I wanted to do this. I did.

I turned and smiled at Saga. "No. No. It's not a bad idea at all. I'd love to do it! ... That's if you would want to teach me... I mean... I want to be smarter.."

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. I looked up to him and tried to seem pleased. After all, I was the one that had suggested it. Now I couldn't seem to will myself to want to do it. What was wrong with me? "Okay... Let me think about it okay? I know I suggested it but I wasn't thinking straight. Not that that means I wouldn't want to. There's just a lot of things that could come as a consequence to teaching you..." I trailed off again. I was doing that a lot around him. I looked forward. We'd been making quite good time because the tree line was just up ahead. (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I nodded my head slowly, it hurt a little bit but I wasn't sure why. I shouldn't, it wasn't fair to do so. I shouldn't expect Saga to teach me, I mean it would be a great inconvenience to her. I realised that. "I understand. Its alright." I said as calmly as I could.

I kept my head down as we carried on walking. We were almost at the woods though.

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. We'd made it to the woods and I could tell I'd made things awkward. I'd looked up at him and he'd seemed hurt, so I decided not to complain when I followed him into the trees. I could do this and it didn't matter how far we went in. I couldn't keep denying things. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I thought. I was right. I didn't know how long we'd been at this hideout of his but it was fantastic. Hidden away in the depths of the woods, I was becoming myself. Slowly, but I was letting my geeky side; my normal side out. It was so easy to try and be myself. I hadn't acted this way in a long time and I'd made my mind up. "The offers still there." I just blurted it out and after the hours of not saying a word about it I wondered if he'd actually understand what on earth I was on about. (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I'd been nervous as we'd walked to the hideout, I was worried that Saga would get spooked and not one to go there. Or that something would have happened to it; it'd been such a long time since me and Lawson had been there. But, it worked out just fine.

Saga seemed really happy to be here with me and that was a really good thing. I saw her relax and be herself, I liked her even more because of this geeky side. She seemed to be enjoying herself and I even managed to not feel so stupid in front of her all the time.

I was a bit confused at first, I didn't know what she was talking about. But then it slowly came back to me. "You're talking about teaching me right?!" I asked her slowly but with a smile.

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. I looked at him properly and smiled. I nodded my head and said, "Yeah..." I felt blissfully happy at that very moment. Like the woods had given me a new lease of life. I turned my head and looked up at the canopy above us. Multiple shafts of light coming through the breaks in the branches and leaves. For once I felt at ease with myself and with the person sitting next to me. "I'll help you 'cause you've helped me feel like this. I don't care what the consequences are that come of this. I don't care if my so-called friends find out and beat me to the ground because of it. I am who I am and this is me. The one that's sitting here." I turned back to look at him. "And you've helped that happen, so in return I'll help you. No matter what." (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I couldn't help but smile, it made me feel good to know that I had helped Saga. I'd never helped anyone before; and I was especially happy that Saga was my first. I smiled at what she said."Thank you..." I said to her, as I genuinely did want to learn more and just appear smarter to Saga; she might like me more if I was more intelligent. Well I hoped so anyway.

I thought a bit more about what Saga had said, "You know... I'm not going to let anyone beat you up again... I promise... " I looked at my hands for a moment, I didn't know how to say the next part. But I had to just go for it. "Besides... I really like this side to you... the real you... and I'm glad you want to be that around me.." I smiled.

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. I smiled, shook my head and looked away. "Not even you can stop that from happening. It's inevitable, until the day they decide to grow out of it." I looked up at him them and tried to hold back the lump growing in my throat. I cleared my throat instead and looked away; down at the book on my lap. "Let's start now. I've said this is my favourite book so take it and read it." I handed it over to him but he looked worried about taking it. I pushed it further into his hands. "You like the real me, so take it." (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I smiled even though I felt bad that Saga reckoned I wouldn't be able to stop them from beating her up. I was going to stop them though, despite what Saga said I was.

I was a little taken aback by what Saga had suggested with the book. I looked down at it uncertainly. I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to understand it, that would be so embarrassing to have to tell Saga that! I was also worried that I would damage it... she'd said it was her favourite book. But Saga was being so certain that I took it. "Thank you... I promise I'll look after it.." I looked down at the book in my hand.. and then back at Saga. I smiled shyly.

[Lotus]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: C0C0C0, width: 400px; height: 300px;] Fitting into a crowd is a challenge... But the outside is even more so...I am who I am and I chose the outside. I was glad he'd taken it. It wasn't too hard a book to get into, but then that was coming from a person that had read it thousands of times over. I moved over closer to him and rested my head against a tree. "Care to start our lessons now while we're here and you have the book. I'm not really much of a teacher but I know what I'm doing. I can help with homework and anything you throw at me academic wise." I smiled and motioned for him to start. "Read it allowed if you want or I'll just read over your shoulder." (c) what the stark ?! of rpg-d

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[Deleted]

Being tough is only a facade,

but it's become a facade that acts like my personality.

I smiled as she moved closer. "Thank you... I might need a lot of help homework wise..." I said before looking at my hands again, I felt myself blush as I said, "err... is academic, school work and stuff? Not that I didn't know! I just wanted to check is all..." I tailed off, embarrassed.

I wanted to distract her from the idea that I was stupid so I opened the book to the first page. "I'll read out loud?" I suggested, thinking that it would help more if she knew what words I struggled with. I started to read slowly at first, a little embarrassed.