Changing Our Ways (KIRA)

[Deleted]

Ash reluctantly let go of her hand and watched as saga walked away. He didn't believe a word of her excuse. There was something wrong and that was why she had gone down the stairs like that. He didn't mind so much that she hadn't told him because he hadn't said anything to her about his rib. But the fact that Lawson knew about her being hurt like that but hadn't told him. That angered Ash.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He hissed at brother angrily.

Lawson looked at Ash and stared at him blankly. He was confused but his mind was blank. It had upset him more then it should have seeing Ash and Saga and he couldn't seem to get past that block in his brain. He needed to. Else he wouldn't be able to function.

"she asked me not to." He said with a shrug which earned him a glare from Ash.

"And I asked you not to tell her about my rib but you still bloody did.." He hissed at his brother again.

Lawson ducked his gaze, he wasn't comfortable in his own thoughts and he didn't want to fight with Ash right now. "I'm sorry..." He trailed off as Ash walked into the kitchen. Lawson quickly followed and silently slid into his seat.

[Lotus]

Saga slowly pulled away from her parents to watch the two brothers walk in. She glanced up to her father, thinking he'd done something, but he simply shrugged his shoulders. Next she looked to her mum and she gave her a sad smile. What was going on? She gingerly walked up to the two of them and reached down to take one of their hands in hers. She looked down at each of them in turn and smiled sadly; "It'll all be okay one day." Then she let their hands go and walked around the table to her seat.

Dinner went by smoothly, but she could tell there was something going on between Ash and Lawson. It was like they were feeling everything the other was feeling because when one made a face the other shortly followed in suit. It was amusing to watch to start with, but then she saw the deeper meaning in it. Their eyes were serious and confused all at once, but Lawson seemed to be the calmer one; like he understood what was happening between them. She shook her head and tried to eat without disturbing them too much.

[Deleted]

Lawson didn't know what to feel. He felt awful, he should have told Ash about saga but she had asked him not to. He had been left in an awkward position, having to choose between his brother and the girl he secretly loved. But he had sided with Saga, the same way he had done over Ash's rib. And now Ash was mad at him whilst Saga didn't have a clue. He tried to smile at her but there was a strange sense of anger inside of him that stopped him. He didn't understand, there was no reason for him to be angry at Saga. There was no reason for him to be angry at anyone in the room. He wasn't angry. The rational part of his brain told him so. But the anger was still there. He glanced over at Ash. He was gritting his teeth - Lawson could tell through the tightness of his jaw- his brother way angry. The anger Lawson felt was his brother's anger. But his brother was angry at him. It made no sense.

Lawson tried to remain calm and force himself to relax so that he didn't get angry. But he could still feel it at the back of his mind. But Ash had also seemed to have physically relaxed. It was so strange. What the hell was going on between them? He didn't know if Ash had picked up on it because he didn't even glance his way. But surely he must have if he had reacted the way he had.

Lawson tried to work out what was going on but he didn't even know where to start.

[Lotus]

Saga finished her dinner and looked up at Lawson and Ash. The two of them seemed to have visibly relaxed, but not as much as she'd hoped. She didn't understand what was going on and from the look in her Ash's eyes he didn't understand either. But why wouldn't he understand a problem he had with his brother? She shook her head, slightly dazed about the way the two of them were acting.

She turned her attention away from the twins and looked to her father. "Where's Jaida daddy?" His first reaction was to pretty much do a double take and looking around at all the faces on the table, they were all looking at her like she'd lost her mind. She sighed and looked down, "I know it was her that you found, so where is she?" Saga stood up after that and wandered out of the room, giving them time to realise what she was meaning. Ash had told her it was Jaida, but she'd figured it out before that. She wasn't stupid or blind.

She found Hope by her bowl and waited for her to finish eating before scooping her up into her arms. She kissed the top of her little kittens white head and whispered, "We're going to say hello to someone special, okay?" She smiled softly and walked back into the kitchen.

"Daddy? Please..." Not one of them had moved. What was with everyone today?

[Deleted]

Ash was confused about what was going on his head. It was like he had no control over his emotions. They just kept switching back and forth between so many different feelings that he couldn't keep track or understand why. It was making his head start to hurt.

But this all seemed to disappear with the suddenness of Saga's actions and words. He was taken aback and a wave of guilt washed over him. He had told her it was Jaida and he shouldn't have because now it was making her upset. But it was too late to go back on it. He bit his lip with worry when she left. He glanced over ather father to see him sitting there, almost shell shocked. He hadn't been expecting her to ask him that. He didn't know that she knew.

Ash looked up at her as she came back in, he noticed Hope in her arms. A pang of guilt and something else struck him. He chewed his lip as he pushed back his chair. He walked up behind Saga and gently rested his hand on her shoulder, his fingertips barely brushing the skin. "I'll show you..." he whispered. He was still worried about touching her.

[Lotus]

Saga looked at her father and mother, and noticed her mum had tears in her eyes again. She didn't understand, she only wanted to see her baby. She looked up at Ash as he came over to her, and his voice was filled with despair. She hoped this was the right thing to do. Many may say it's only an animal, but she still wanted closure. She nodded her head and followed his lead into the back garden. She was hesitant to step out, but when Ash turned back and smiled at her softly, she followed him.

He headed over to the tree at the end of the garden and stopped before crouching down. She stood back and watched him slowly. He turned back and looked at her with fear in his eyes. She heard someone come up behind her and knew instantly who it was. Lawson. She knew that comforting feel anywhere. Slowly, Lawson helped Saga down on her knees and she moved over to where Ash sat. Hope didn't wriggle in her arms once, and she felt herself moving closer to Ash to hide herself from the horror she might see.

"Your father was going to bury her tonight to save you the pain." Saga could only nod her head and she wasn't sure which twin had said it. Slowly Ash pulled the bag open and then pulled back the blanket. She stiffened automatically due to the stench coming from her Jaida, but that was nothing compared to what she was about to see when Ash pushed the bag down lower.

Her eyes widened and Hope leaped out of her arms, before Lawson picked the little kitten up gently. Tears sprang to her eyes and her breath caught in her throat. Her little Jaida was nothing more than a piece of meat rotting away. Her brother would pay and she hoped it would be painful. She stood up suddenly and fell back down to the ground, her eyes wide with fear and tears streaking her face. She got up again and turned away from everything. She ran to the corner of the garden and collapsed to her knees as she felt her dinner come back up.

[Deleted]

Ash stared at Lawson. His body filled with guilt and he knew that his brother felt exactly the same way. They shouldn't have shown her. They should never have let her see, just shown her where Jaida was to be buried. But how could he have said no to Saga when it was what she wanted? Only now he realised he should have thought more about how it would make her feel afterwards. He hated himself for doing that to her.

He looked towards his brother who had the kitten in his arms, trying to calm her down. Ash stood up and walked quickly over to Saga. He knelt down beside her and without really thinking about her repulsion at his touch previously he wrapped his arms around her and held her to his body. Resting his chin on top of her head.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry.." He whispered. Lawson felt the same despair that filled Ash wash over him and engulf him.

[Lotus]

Saga felt herself drawn into someone's arms and she instantly recognised them; Ash. She snuggled into him as she sobbed, but soon felt sick all over again. She pulled away from him instantly to bend over on her hands and knees as she wretched. Little came back up that time, but it was still vile. Her whole body was shaking, with tears streaming down her face. She couldn't help but feel this was very similar to how she felt the last time this happened and the doctor had to come to the house and help.

He'd said reduce the trauma amount and she'd just put herself through the worst part of her mental capability. Her shaking only got worse and she started to struggle for breath. She tried to fall back into Ash's embrace but she fell the opposite way, luckily missing the vomit she'd just brought up. Her eyes felt heavy and she fumbled with her shaking hand to find Ash's.

[Deleted]

Ash was alarmed at the violence with which Saga threw up. He tried to hold back her hair for her and then to comfort her. But she was shaking badly and it made him worry even more. One glance at Lawson told him his brother felt exactly the same. Extremely worried about Saga. But then she fell and that was too much for him.

He stood up and bent down, scooping her up in his arms. Gently turning her body into him so that she was facing his chest. "Lets get you to bed." He whispered. He knew that this was his fault, again. He never should have agreed to show her Jaida's body. She shouldn't have seen that and they both knew it.

He gently carried her back into the house and tried to avoid the kitchen. He didn't want to give her father another reason to hate him. That would only make things worse. He laid her down on her bed gently. "I'm so sorry"

[Lotus]

Saga shook her head when she felt softness underneath her. She forced her eyes open to look at Ash and then at Lawson. They both had the same expressions on their faces, but she couldn't quite register what it was. Her head started spinning and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. She felt empty and her whole body ached fiercely with what she'd seen and with the pain of everything she'd been through. She knew it was stupid to see her Jaida like that, but she had to know.

Suddenly all her thoughts become incoherent and her shaking hands grew worse. She tried to keep her eyes open and in the haze she found Ash, "I'm... I... S-So...So-rry." The shaking moved up to her arms and her eyes started to close. Her breathing became short and raspy, but there was nothing she could do about it. It was happening again and she was terrified. She knew what was happening this time.

[Deleted]

Ash glanced at Lawson, his face full of worry and Ash bit his lip. he reached out and grasped hold of Saga's shaking hands and squeezed them gently. "You don't need to apologise... everything is ok, everything is going to be alright." He whispered gently down at her. He lent forward and kissed her forehead.

He had no idea if it would be alright. If she would get better. If he could stop this from happening again and he knew that Lawson felt the same. "just try and stay with us." Lawson urged to saga as her eyes began to close. He sat down on the edge of her bed also and smiled softly at her. Ash just chewed his lip.

[Lotus]

Saga heard their voices but they seemed distant, still she forced her eyes open to look at the two of them. She whimpered as pain racked though her body when her back arched off the bed. This wouldn't happen again. her eyes rolled into the back of her head again as the shaking intensified again; she could barely keep any part of her still now. She opened her mouth to try and speak, but nothing came out, only ragged pants as she tried to breathe.

She didn't want this to happened again. Soon her shaking stopped and her body felt heavy. She couldn't feel anything and her eye lids felt heavier than before. She remembered this from last time, her body just giving up on her. Her breathing became shallow and she forced her eyes open to look at Ash and Lawson; seeing the faint smile on Lawson's face and the terror on Ash's confused her. Her eyes closed again and she felt them squeeze her hands, trying to get them to re-open them but she was struggling.

She didn't understand why this had to happen again. She heard noises outside her room and then felt the presence of more people. There were worried voices but they all seemed a million miles away as every thought she had slowly slipped away from her again.

[Deleted]

Lawson gripped tightly onto her hand, refusing to let it go. He needed to try and keep her awake. Prevent her from slipping unconscious because there was always that scary thought that she might not come back round if she did. He couldn't let that happen. "Stay awake. open your eyes. Don't go to sleep now Saga." he pleaded with her but he knew it was futile by the way her eyelids were barely fluttering anymore. She was going.

He was vaguely aware of the terror that Ash was feeling. He could feel it to but not as prominent as the constricted look on Ash's face suggested that he was feeling it. His brother was petrified that he was going to lose Saga and he couldn't let that happen.

Suddenly her parents were in her room. Her father was making a lot of noise but he could only hear strangled gasps coming from her mother. Then Lawson felt himself being pushed out of the way as an older man bent over Saga. The doctor. Ash was just frozen, staring down at Saga with his hand still gripping hers. It was like he was scared that if he looked away or if he let go then she would just disappear.

Lawson took a step back and deep breaths until he hit the wall. He sunk to the floor and stared at the legs of the bed. Feeling all of Ash's pain.

[Lotus]

Saga couldn't hear anything anymore, it was all distant to her. She knew she was hurting everyone again but she just couldn't find a way through it this time. She wanted the darkness to overcome her to take away the pain she'd been through and the horrors she'd seen.

She thought there was a commotion in the room, but she couldn't pick it out. She felt someone moving her around and then a prick in her arm. Things did go black then. She felt her whole body lightening up and relaxing as she fell into a darkness that she welcomed. She heard people vaguely talking and it was starting to make sense a little more, before it properly took her under.

The medication swam through her veins and as it travelled to different parts of her body she fell even further under it's spell. She was relaxed and she hoped the atmosphere in her room was too.

[Deleted]

Ash was tense. He was tense and scared and worried. This couldn't be happening again. This couldn't be happening. It was all a dream. A horrible dream. This couldn't be happening again. It was like a mantra, he just kept repeating it over and over in his mind. Trying to remove the possibility that Saga wouldn't get better this time. That she might not wake up. He was so scare but he had to stay strong.

Her refused to leave her side, no matter what her father or the doctors had said. Eventually her mum brought him up a chair to sit in and he stayed there. By her bedside, clasping her hand tightly. He was going to be here when she woke up. He wasn't going to leave her. Not when this was all his fault. He was vaguely aware of Lawson in the corner of the room.

[Lotus]

She didn't know how long it had been since she'd felt that prick in her arm. It could've been days or mere minutes; all sense of time had been lost. But she soon found herself waking up to bright sunshine streaming into her room as her eyes opened; squinting. She shifted her head to see Ash asleep in the chair beside her and Lawson off to the side in a corner. Their clothes were different thought; had she been asleep for more than a day? She shook her head softly and pushed herself up onto her elbows.

She moaned softly and rubbed her temples; she had one heck of a headache coming on. Suddenly someone, no two people, had their arms wrapped around her and she swore they were crying. She shifted her head and saw it to be both Ash and Lawson. "H-Hey..."

[Deleted]

Lawson had stayed in the room for as long as Ash had. Leaving to get food for the both of them. It had been two days since Saga went unconscious and there had been no sign of her coming back. Ash was beside himself with worry and it had taken all of Lawson's strength and ability to physically persuade Ash to leave her bedside for half and hour to shower and change. He had still come back pretty quickly though.

He had taken up his position against the wall again and was letting himself doze. But he was still pretty aware of what was going on. That was one thing training taught you, how to rest properly whilst still being able to jump into action at the last second.

That was how both him and Ash had heard the moans and why both of them had shot up and were by her side. Ash was the one to speak first.

"Saga... I'm so sorry baby... I'm so sorry..." He muttered, looking into her eyes lovingly. Gently brushing the hair back off of her forehead. Both of the boys felt their bodies fill with relief.

[Lotus]

Saga slowly lifted a hand up to cup Ash's cheek and she felt tears in her eyes. "Don't say that." She said barely above a whisper. "I'm the one that's sorry. I never meant for this to happen again, I didn't want to worry you again." She sighed and turned her head around to face Lawson. They both had the same look in their eyes, but she could still see the hint of confusion; it was odd, like they were linked somehow. She reached up and cupped Lawson's cheek to, "I didn't make you worry too much did I?" She then dropped her hand from his face and looked between the two of them, "I did didn't I...?"

She sighed and dropped her head down, snuggling into the two of them. "How long have I been out? You've changed clothes..." She titled her head up, feeling like a little girl and she felt both Ash and Lawson move in closer to her. She felt Lawson's arms around her waist and Ash's around her chest, both of them making her feel loved. She would be lost without these two. She couldn't help but feel strange with Lawson being in the mix to. She knew she loved Ash and he loved her, but she couldn't help but feel a tug towards Lawson too; it was scary.

[Deleted]

Ash smiled sadly down at the girl he loved so much. He was just so pleased that she wanted to be close to him again and that she was awake. He didn't want to respond to what she said though, he didn't want to have to admit to her how he had barely slept the past two days because he had been so worried. She didn't need to know about that. He glanced at Lawson as she moved closer and he wrapped his arms around her. He felt complete with her like that. But he tensed for a moment on seeing Lawson holding her too. For a split moment Ash felt uncomfortable seeing how close his brother was getting to his girl but just looking at his face made that feeling disappear. It was strange, he felt so much love Saga right then but there was also more love in him, somewhere at the back of his being. He knew it wasn't his, but it felt so right. He didn't understand.

"Two days." Lawson said gently. Snapping Ash back to the present. "But we've been with you he whole time, you were never alone." Lawson went on to reassure her. It should have made him mad to see his brother talking to her in that way, but instead it felt calming and good. As if Lawson really was speaking for the two of them.

[Lotus]

Saga nodded her head stiffly, "It was bad this time wasn't it...?" She knew the answer. She'd been out cold for two days and they hadn't left her side. How could she have done this to them again? It wasn't fair and they should realise that. But sitting there with their arms wrapped around her she felt whole, complete. These two gave her the boost she needed to get through the hell she was living in; they made it worthwhile.

"What did the doctor say about me this time...?" She felt them stiffen beside her and her head shot up. She looked between the two of them, "What...? What did he say? Tell me." Her voice rose and they shied away from her at the loudness of it; they'd been used to silence for the past two days so it wasn't a surprise. As if the two of them were actually connected they started tracing patterns on the bare skin they were in contact with; Ash on her shoulders and down her arms and Lawson on her hips. They both moved in closer and sighed at the same time. "A-Ash? L-Lawson?"

[Deleted]

Lawson bit his lip, he was worried and he just knew that Ash felt the same. The doctor had been so serious and it had scared the both of them. He didn't know if he should tell her or if it should be Ash but there was something in his mind that told him that Ash wanted her to know too, only reluctantly. He had a sudden need to comfort her, seeing the scared look on her face.

That was when he did something he had only imagined doing. He traced patterns on her bare skin in the hopes to relax her. He had never thought about doing that, it would be too obvious and Ash would get mad. Only, Ash wasn't mad and he knew it. Ash seemed almost to not care. NO, that was too strong. Ash seemed relaxed that Lawson was stroking her, but then he was doing the same. He seemed relieved and so did he.

Lawson didn't even glance at Ash to know that he wanted him to tell her what was going on. Things were getting weird between the two of them. He didn't know if it was a good thing or not that they were more in tune with one another all of a sudden. But yes, it was. It meant that Lawson could touch Saga and smile at her and be nice to her without Ash getting mad. He was glad.

"The doctor..." He sighed and took a breath. "The doctor said that you may get worse if this keeps on happening... you may have some permanent brain damage if this keeps going on..." Lawson trailed off.

"we're so sorry Saga..." Ash finished. Surprising the both of them as his use of the pronoun 'We'. Like they really were connected.

[Lotus]

Saga's eyes widened at what Lawson told her and her whole body turned ridged, despite the two of them soothing her by tracing her skin. "Wh-at does that involve...?" Permanent brain damage? She still felt the same, still the weird old Saga that had been through hell, but what more could change? Would it be her personality, her attention span, her sketches. She stiffened even further as she worried about what their answer would be.

She looked up to Ash with tears in her eyes as he used the word 'we'. They truly were getting along again and she couldn't help but feel slightly happy out it. "You're brothers again." She whispered softly. Her body didn't ache like before, it was like the past two days she'd had a much needed rest. It had helped her body heal from the physical traumas and as she looked up to Ash and Lawson she noticed they looked a little better to. Lawson's cheek had healed and Ash didn't seem to be sitting as awkwardly. At least some things were getting better.

"How's my mum and dad?"

[Deleted]

Ash could feel Lawson's guilt and then worry about having told her. But he also knew Lawson felt his relief and slight amount of happiness at what she said about the two of them. She was right, he didn't understand it, but all of a sudden they seemed to be close again. Just like when they were kids.

"We don't know yet Saga... we'll just have to wait and see.." Lawson responded to her question and Ash felt sad and helpless. How could they comfort her when they didn't even know what was truly wrong. He wished that he could help her more, that they could help her more. He looked down at her and smiled. He was so happy that she was awake and he so badly wanted to bend down and kiss her. But he couldn't.

"They're a bit shaken but they're holding up... your dad's trying to think of ways to blame us but coming up short." Lawson responded again for the both of them. In sync they chuckled at how her dad still couldn't seem to get past his distrust for them.

[Lotus]

Saga nodded her head softly at what Lawson said. "So I just have to do things how I normally would and see what happens then." She sighed softly, "I'm like a ticking time bomb..." She couldn't quite believe it and her head hung lower, but the two of them just pulled her in closer again and traced patterns on her skin.

She realised Ash was being fairly quiet and she turned her attention to him to try and figure out what was going on with him. She came up short when all he did was smile back down at her. Her brow furrowed together before she turned back around and she leant into him a little more, but then she felt cold from drawing away from Lawson a little. But Ash needed her and Lawson would be okay with that.

She listened to what Lawson had to say again and she managed a chuckle along with them. "He can be like that. He was always protective, but I guess even more so now. I did try to make him ease up on the two of you, but I guess he'll learnt to love you."

[Deleted]

Lawson tried to not feel rejected. He felt cold and a little bit lost when Saga pulled away. But at the back of his mind he could feel the warmth, happiness and comfort that she was giving Ash. Only, Ash tensed up when Lawson thought about how he missed being so close to Saga. It was as if he had known that was exactly what he was feeling. This thing between them was getting stranger and stranger.

Lawson tried to brush it off and not think about it. "How can he not?" He teased Saga back. "I mean, Ash has such articulate charm!" He joked, noticing how Ash furrowed his brow in confusion. He didn't understand what Lawson had meant which made him smile more.