Seeing Sense (Kira)

[Deleted]

He wasn't going to lie. Her words hurt him badly. She was right though, he had come because Patrick had told him to. But that was only because he had been too scared to go without the push; he was scared that she would want nothing more to do with him and that scared him badly. But he wasn't going to give up and lose her. No, not again.

He tried the door but it was locked. "No." he called back to Rae stubbornly. He needed to get through to her, to talk to her about what had happened between them. What they had both said to one another. "Did you mean it? Did you mean what you said about how you felt about me?" Grey asked,trying to feel conifdent. He wanted so badly to fix this.

[Lotus]

Rae stood up on shaky legs as the tears fell more violently. She couldn't believe he was asking her such a stupid question. She was hurt and now she felt angry. Hurt at his rejection and angry at how stupid he was acting. She turned to face the door and screamed at him. "How often do I make my feelings known Grey? How often? I haven't since Tristan. Then I finally let you know and you brush me away. How do you think that makes me feel? For Christ sake, you're supposed to be my best friend, you're supposed to know when I'm being honest." She stormed across the room and picked up her sketch pad before throwing it at the door.

She felt a sob rack through her body and she clutched the back of her desk chair in an attempt to stay standing. She looked around her studio with blurry eyes and hated how tidy it was. She was useless at anything in this room so why was it tidy; why had they done this. She heard Patrick and Walter outside the door now and none of them were helping. "GO AWAY!" She screamed as she knocked everything off her desk again. "I hate you, I hate this, I hate everything. So why don't you all just get the hell out of my house."

She fell to her knees as that point, pain racking through her body from her back and ankles. She hit her head on the floor as she went down and cried out softly. Why were they doing this to her? Wasn't it enough she'd been rejected, now they were doubting her.

[Deleted]

Grey took a step back. He honestly hadn't expected that response from her. He stared at the door, he had never meant to make her angry or even more upset. He had just wanted to know that it was true before he tried to sort things out. It was meant to have helped things, only everything had backfired. It had only made things worse. So much worse. But he knew now that they were real, the words that she had said were true. She felt the same about him as he did her. He wanted to smile at this revelation but her screaming and the sound of things being thrown around made him realise how bad things had gotten.

He felt Patrick and walter by his side but he didn't notice or acknowledge them. Everything had gone quiet in the studio and that scared him more then all the noises. Silence was a bad thing.

Grey pounded on the door with his fist. "RAE!" He called out but he realised that there was no point. He let his palm rest against the door. "I'm so sorry Rae... I should have believed you but I was scared that I would lose your friendship if you knew that I felt this way about you... I'm so sorry..." He rested his forehead against the door. "Please open up?"

[Lotus]

Rae shook her head, only to make it pound even more. "Just go away..." She cried out softly, barely enough for them to hear her. Her fingers clutched at the carpet as she tried to stop the pain racking through her body. She felt the tears across her back and knew some of her worse wounds had just been reopened by her act of stupidity. She kicked the desk chair out of her way which caused her to whimper in agony. Why did she decided to lose her temper?

She shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the pain. "Rae Odelle. Get your backside over here and unlock this door right this minute." Patrick. Typical that he was being forceful, she shook her head knowing they couldn't see her, but she was too exhausted to try and answer him.

"Rae sweetie, c'mon. Come open the door and we'll get you a nice cosy blanket and a hot chocolate. How does that sound?" Walter. Typical he was trying to be kind.

She heard a thud outside the door. "What was the for?" One of them hissed.

"For being a big girl."

"That's why you love me." Rae could practically hear the grin in Walter's voice as Patrick groaned.

Normally their light, airy ways would have her smiling and feeling better. But this time it didn't help. She still felt the pain and she still felt the heartache. She re-thought over Grey's words, but they only hurt her more. He thought she'd walk away from him after voicing his feelings? Did he really think that little of her?

[Deleted]

Grey glared at the two guys. They weren't helping. He was well aware of that fact, their bickering made the whole situation seem less serious then it was. And now they were glaring at each other in jest. Grey turned his attention back to the door. He needed to get inside. He needed to talk to Rae and try and make things right.

He rested his head against the door with a thump and let out a sigh. "Rae..." He took a breath and a moment to collect his thoughts. "Rae... please? I'm so sorry... I really am... I never meant to push you or make you feel this way... Rae, please? I care about you and I meant everything I said before. I know now that you feel that way too, so why can't we give this a chance? Please? You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you... I know now that kissing you was wrong, it wasn't the right thing to do and that was stupid of me. It was too soon and I should have thought and spoken to you first..." Grey trailed off in the hopes that she might reply but then an idea popped into his head. "Rae, can we start this again? Rae Odelle. I like you. I like you more then just a friend and I would us to have a chance together, so Rae, will you go on a date with me?" It was a long shot and he doubted she would even reply but what did he have to lose now.

[Lotus]

Rae heard him loud and clear, but all she could think of was, 'What the hell?' What on earth was Grey playing at? She heard Patrick and Walter quieten down from their bickering and she assumed they were looking at him with shock on their faces; exactly the same expression Rae was wearing at that precise moment in time.

"Jeez Rae. Get your arse out here, he's got it bad for you." She wasn't sure which one of them had said it, but she heard Grey tell them to shut up. She was stunned, she well and truly was. Slowly, she managed to stand on her own two feet as she made her way to the door. She gingerly unlocked it as she cracked it open a little. Their faces were shocked; they obviously hadn't believed she would actually come out. She tried to hide the mess of her studio as she looked Grey straight in the eye.

"Are you serious? You'd take me on a date when I look like this...?" She glanced away from him to see Walter and Patrick shaking their heads in her direction, their arms wrapped around each other. She swallowed deeply and turned back to Grey. "G-Grey...? Answer me."

[Deleted]

Grey was a little shocked at himself when Patrick and Walter started talking. He hadn't realised what he had just said to her, but despite the shock at his brashness something inside of him told him that it was the right thing to be doing. He just hoped that Rae would come out from her office and talk to him. He hadn't realised he was holding his breath until the door unlatch and he saw her looking at him.

He was stunned and didn't know what to say. He let his eyes look her over once her words had sunk in. She may look disheveled and her face was tear stained - which caused a pang in his heart as he knew that that was because of him - but she was still beautiful and that was all that was important to him. It was then that he realised that he didn't know when he had started thinking of her as beautiful rather then just pretty.

He looked up and into her eyes. He bit his lip for a moment and knew he had to answer. "yes..." he breathed out slowly. "Of course I would, there's nothing wrong with how you look Rae..."

[Lotus]

Rae looked Grey up and down, taking in a deep shaky breath. She felt her cheeks flush a bright shade of pink at his words and her knees went from under her. She sunk down to the floor and rested her head against the door-jam, sighing softly. "You really mean that?" She looked up at him from where she sat and noticed out of the corner of her eye, Patrick and Walter take a few steps back.

She played with her fingers and reached around the door to grab her sketchbook. "What do you think...?" She handed it to him and looked away. She knew it was terrible, but maybe other people did. Maybe she could get that so called talent back; she hoped anyway. Her only passion was to sketch and design clothes, but after everything who would take her on. She was useless after all; not being able to suit Tristan's brief. She sighed, he was still ruling over her after all this time.

[Deleted]

Grey looked down at her and smiled gently. He couldn't help it, he was relieved. She no longer hated him. He was no longer making her cry and he was determined to never do that again. He didn't want to hurt her, that thought was way to scary to even think about. The fact that she had already been hurt so badly made him even more sure that he would never treat her like that. He sunk down to the floor opposite her and took hold of the sketchbook. "Of course..." He whispered in response to her earlier question.

He flipped open the sketchbook. He was surprised that she was showing it to him because she hadn't drawn in weeks and that had made him worry even more. But now she seemed to be giving it to him with purpose. Maybe she had drawn again. Maybe things would work out alright. He glanced down at the page and a smile spread across his face. The dress was beautiful and it just proved to him that she really was an amazing artist. But then he noticed the words written at the bottom of the page and his heart froze for a moment. 'Heart Break' She had drawn this picture because of him. Because he had gone and broken her heart just like he promised that he would never do. He hated himself for having caused her this pain.

"It's amazing..." he whispered, the drawing truly was amazing. "But I'm sorry... I'm sorry I did that to you..."

[Lotus]

Rae couldn't bring her gaze up to look at Grey as he looked at her drawing and when she heard his intake of breath she thought the worst. Tears formed in her eyes and she played with her hands. How was she ever going to go back to the one thing she had ever had any interest in, in this godforsaken world? She sighed, but his words surprised her and her head shot up, staring at him as if he'd lost his mind.

She felt a hint of a smile turn one corner of her lip up as she looked between him and the sketch but his next words had tears streaming down her face. She shook her head softly, "Don't say that. You'd of thought I'd be over it all by now 'cause of Tristan." She forced out a laugh, but even to her ears it sounded chocked. "I don't want you apologising for anything Grey. I haven't made it easy for you, I know that. Y'a know if I hadn't gotten in the way of you and Fontanna in the first place, everything might be okay now." She chocked up again at that thought and soon a soft blanket was draped over her shoulders.

"Here sweetie. Just like I promised." A mug of hot chocolate was handed to her and she nodded her head in thanks before Walter walked away and back into the arms of Patrick; who was sitting at the top of the stairs keeping an eye on things.

"Are we okay Grey...? As in nothing's changed has it? I don't want to lose my best friend."

[Deleted]

Grey looked at her with a sad smile, he gently reached out a hand and wiped away her tears before he could even realise what he was doing. He hated to see the fact that he had made her cry again. Just after telling himself that he was never going to hurt her. But he just had. He felt awful with the way she spoke about Tristan because it was clear that she was still not over him, he had still hurt her, and he had made that worse. But Fontanna was like a knife to the heart. How could she think that about that bitch? It was a good thing that he and Fontanna had broken up. Grey just wished that he had known about how Rae felt about her before he tried persuing her again. She might not have gotten hurt that way.

He glanced up at Walter and let himself smile slightly. But his attention was soon drawn back to Rae. How could thing's not be ok between them? He had just told how he felt and she felt the same. As far as Grey could see that could only mean that things would be getting better for them. "Of course... You're not going to lose me, no matter what happens." He whispered, leaning forward to take her hand.

"But Rae... promise me something?" He paused and waited for her to nod her head. "Never ever think that me breaking it up with Fontanna was a bad thing..." He whispered. He bit his lip as he looked at her, did she know what Fontanna had done? "please don't cry anymore..."

[Lotus]

Rae couldn't help but smile softly after what he said. It warmed her heard a little and she shifted a little closer to him, gripping his hand in hers. She nodded her head in answer to his question and she was taken aback by what he asked. Surely it was a bad thing they'd broken up? Surely that's why he'd been so sure on getting her back. She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, only to whimper slightly from the pain in her back. "I can try..." She sighed and looked away from him. She meant that in answer to all his questions. She couldn't promise it, but she could try. "I promise to try..."

She looked back up at him after that and he looked in deep thought whilst he was gazing at her with longing in his eyes. "W-What are you thinking...?" She didn't understand the look, but she felt she'd seen it before; a long time ago. She looked back down at where his fingers were entwined and started playing with them, trying to do anything to distract herself.

She looked up briefly when she saw movement at the stairs, Walter and Patrick were embracing. She smiled softly at the sight, "It's nice to see isn't it, two people so in love they don't really care who sees." She whispered, barely audible.

[Deleted]

Grey was anxious to hear what she would say. He didn't want her to think that she had hurt him by causing him to break up with Fontanna because she hadn't. It was one of the best decisions he had ever made. He squeezed her hand gently as they spoke but he didn't like her answer. He glanced down at her with sadness. He didn't want her to just try because that meant that she could still blame herself and he didn't want that. He was worried that they would never be able to have the relationship that he wanted if both of them kept blaming themselves for things that had happened; things that had happened to Rae. He wanted to be able to be with her properly.

He bit his lip at her question. He wasn't going to lie to her. He wasn't going to hurt her. "Rae... you can't just try because it wasn't your fault... Fontanna was a bitch. She hurt you in the worst way possible. She betrayed me to help Tristan and I can never forgive her for that, so you shouldn't feel bad about what happened. Do you understand?" He said firmly but there was a soft edge to his voice. He didn't want to hurt her.

[Lotus]

Rae finally drew her attention away from Patrick and Walter to look Grey straight in the eye. His words hurt her, but not because of what he said, but because she knew it was the truth. She could never be hurt by him, they always patched things up in the end, and Grey was too much of a softy to really do much to hurt her. She felt tears in her eyes again and she tried her hardest to blink them back. "S-She did that? Do people really hate me that much?"

She really and truly thought that. It was the only reason she could think of why people had to be so cruel to her; first Tristan and then Fontanna. She couldn't remember doing anything wrong to either of them; she'd only ever tried to do her best. She glanced back over to Patrick and Walter and they had turned round, watching her with sad eyes. Their hands were entwined and all she wanted to do was break down. "Please hold me..."

[Deleted]

Grey was taken aback by her words. How could she possibly think that? There was no way that anyone could truly hate, she was too much of an amazing person for that. He was about to protest, tell her that she had gotten it all wrong and that she was perfect. But what she said next shocked him even more. her voice sounded so broken that it just broke his heart. He hated to see her like that, feeling so weak and upset.

In an instant he closed the gap between the two of them and wrapped both of his arms around her frail body. He pulled her into him so that her head was resting against his chest as he gently soothed and stroked her hair. Trying to make her feel better. "Rae... no one could hate you... those people were just selfish and jealous that they couldn't be a good person like you are... I promise.." He whispered before kissing the top of her head. Just like he used to.

[Lotus]

Rae shook her head softly and snuggled into his chest, trying to hold back the tears. "I hope you're right Grey..." She reached up and gripped his t-shirt in her fists before burying her head away from the world. She turned slightly and took a sip of her hot chocolate, not realising Walter had put whipped cream in it. She made a noise of appreciation as she peaked over at him.

"This is good stuff..." She smiled softly but pulled a confused look when he cracked up laughing, along with Patrick. She pulled away slightly from Grey and looked up to him, "Why are they laughing...?" She saw the hint of a grin playing at the corner of his lips and she knew somehow the mood had lightened automatically. She smiled softly and then narrowed her eyes a little, "Tell me..."

[Deleted]

Grey was happy that she was so close to him. That he was still able to comfort her, even if it was as a best friend and not as something more. Maybe after their date things may change between the two of them. He really hoped so. He watched her with a small smile, imagining all the possibilities of their future together.

He heard laughter and looked down at Rae. He couldn't help but smile. She had a perfectly white moustache of what he assumed was cream decorating her top lip. He grinned and knew that Walter and Patrick were finding this hilarious. Her face made his grin widen. He reached out a hand and wiped the cream away with his thumb, holding it up to show her the mess that had been on her face. "Someone's a sloppy eater." He teased playfully.

[Lotus]

Rae felt her cool exterior shatter away in that moment. It always disappeared when she was with Grey, and it was like they could be as childish as they wanted around each other. She felt her cheeks flush slightly as she bit her bottom lip. "Oops?" She whispered softly. But then she had an idea. She wanted to lighten the mood as much as possible and she knew both her and Grey needed this. They needed to act care free again; they'd been too serious for far too long. Grey had been through too much for her to deny him this little bit of pleasure.

She moved in closer to him and smiled up at him sweetly, but there was that glint in her eyes that told Grey to be wary. Sure, it wasn't as strong as it should've been with what she about to do, but her old self hadn't fully returned to her. It was taking a while, but each day she was finding herself a step closer to where she wanted to be. She heard whispering from Patrick and Walter's direction and couldn't help but shoot them a glance. She dipped her finger in the cream that was on top of her chocolate and reached up swiftly to smear it down Grey's nose. "Now who's messy?" She whispered softly, leaning into him to rest her head on his shoulder.

"Man you two were supposed to be together from the start. You are one fine arse couple." Rae shot her head up and stared at Patrick. Had those words seriously just come out of his mouth? He chuckled at her and saw Walter place a hand on his arm.

"What my idiot here means, is that you look adorable together."

[Deleted]

Grey grinned cheekily at Rae, curious as to how she was going to respond to his comment. But then he saw it, that glint of mischeviousness in her eye. The look she had had when they were in kids, right before she did something that would get them into trouble. He went to back away but he was too late. Before he could move quickly he felt something warm and wet on his face and he let out an involuntary squeal. Patrick started laughing as Grey reached up a hand to wipe the cream off of his face. "Charming!" He said, but he still wrapped his arm around Rae and found himself smiling.

He glanced up at Patrick and Walter. Why did those guys have to be so right all the time? But then, it did make him feel good to hear them say that. He smiled and glanced down at Rae. Before she could respond he ran his hand covered in the cream down her hair. He burst out laughing. "Looks like you're getting old there!" He teased. The cream forming a grey streak in her hair.

[Lotus]

Rae finally turned back to look at Grey as he wrapped his arms around her. She felt safe again and she let out a soft sigh, snuggling into him a little. But thinking about that made her miss his next move. She jumped out of his arms, groaning from the pain in her back as she tried to blink back the tears it caused to spring to her eyes. She shook her head and glared up at him. She noticed Patrick had moved forward at the groan she'd made, to make sure she was okay but she'd fight through the pain.

Her glare continued to stare Grey out and she reached up to wipe the cream out of her hair. "I'm not that old... Or do I look it to you? 'Cause if I'm already that old then you'd better go find a younger model to suit your needs." She grinned cheekily, or the best she could conjure up with herself still being mostly missing. But it did the trick, Grey's eyes widened and she heard Patrick and Walter cracking up with tears of joy streaking down their faces.

"Damn girl, you're going to make him so frustrated, if you get what I mean." Rae turned her attention to him to see him wiggly his eyebrows and she chuckled softly.

"Weirdo."

"Yeah, he is isn't he. But he's my weirdo." Rae couldn't help but smile at what Walter said back to Patrick and he made her chuckle when Patrick shot him a playful death glare.

She turned her attention back to Grey and he was still looking at her with shock on his face, "I didn't mean to say that..." She trailed off. She knew they'd joked about it as kids, but maybe she'd pushed a button this time round.

[Deleted]

Grey stared at her in shock. He had not been expecting her to respond like that. Did she really mean that or was she joking? Was he that shallow that he would only look at a woman for sex? Maybe he was. Was that how she had seen his and Fontanna's relationship? Maybe it was. he lent back and stared at her. He could vaguely hear Patrick and Walter talking but he was a bit stunned. He didn't know what to say or do. He was worried that that was how she viewed him. He really hoped that that wasn't the case.

His head snapped up at her words. She looked really worried and that instantly made his face soften. Maybe she wasn't being serious? He didn't really want to know. "It's fine." He said quietly, forcing a smile on his face.

[Lotus]

Rae shook her head softly. "I was joking around. I'm sorry..." She whispered as she moved in closer to him to entwine their fingers together. She heard cooing from the top of the stairs and she shot them the dirtiest look she could; she didn't need their corny interactions right at this moment. She looked back up at him and smiled softly, "I was only kidding, I meant nothing by it."

She rested her head against his shoulder and sighed. She needed to pick the mood up again. She hated seeing all her friends upset because of what had happened. It was time they needed a break from all the depression she'd brought along. "Besides, you would never be able to give me up. And if you did, you'd be running back to me 'cause you'd realise no one can compare to me in bed." She moved away from him as she voiced that thought and chuckled slightly.

"I have a feeling we're seeing the true Rae Odell here. She'd feisty." She didn't really care which one of them said that, but it was true. She was feeling more lively because of this down time with the three of them. They were helping her greatly.

She took a sip of her hot chocolate after she'd winked over at Grey. She licked the cream from her top lip and couldn't help but grin. He looked even more shocked than before. "Grey?" That got his attention. "Is that thought really that disturbing?" She had never thought about it before, okay, that was a lie, but no way was he going to know that.

[Deleted]

Grey's eyes widened as he heard and watched Rae. That was the last thing he had been expecting her to say. He was pleased that she had been joking and that had set him at ease but he couldn't hide the fact that he was shocked. In all the time he had known he had never heard her speak like that. Of course they had spoken about sex but never in this way. He looked at her in a whole new light and tried to suppress the thoughts forming in his mind.

He tried not to laugh at what Patrick, he thought it was Patrick, had said. It was definitely something Patrick would say. His eyebrows shot up at her hot chocolate move. He was completely stunned but she brought him back. He decided he needed to get some pay back for her actions.

He gave her a cheeky grin before causally leaning back against the door frame. "More surprising then disturbing." He said causally. "I can still remember the day you came rushing to me, blushing like anything, to tell me you had lost your virginity the night before.... you were so innocent; I had to explain to you what to do the day before if I remember correctly." He teased.

[Lotus]

Rae's cheeks flushed bright red and she ducked her head down. She glanced at Patrick and Walter and they were staring at her in wonder. Great. She had never felt more embarrassed than when she had actually asked Grey what to do. She knew he'd lost his virginity months before her, so she had only wanted advice as to how to approach it. She didn't know he'd bring it back up; she had been young and naive. But as she thought more about, he was right. She still hadn't changed much.

She shot her head back up to look at him and just stared, her gaze unwavering. "Okay, I'm shitty in bed. But could you just play along. We do have two people here that thought I was a goddess in the bed for a few mere moments before you crushed it." She fake pouted at him and she knew he couldn't resit that face. She saw his resolve crumbling, but she couldn't help the nagging feeling in the back of her mind. The one that told her if she'd been better in bed; more outgoing, less shy and nervous, Tristan would never have cheated on her. She knew she had never satisfied him sexually which is probably why he resulted to cheating just to get his fill.

She sighed, pulling herself from that train of thought before they noticed she was thinking about something negative. "Besides Grey, I may have changed in the years since then. I may be better than you expect; could have a few tricks up my sleeve after all." She grinned wickedly and took another sip of her hot chocolate.

[Deleted]

Grey tried his hardest not to laugh at her pout. He let out a small smile in victory though because he had won. He had poked holes in her little tease all because he knew her so well. He glanced over at Patrick and Walter. Patrick was grinning like an idiot; he evidently found this highly amusing. But Grey had a sudden pang of guilt fill him when he realised that this talk might make her think about Tristan again.

He watched her carefully and he grinned. "Tricks? Well this could be interesting... what type of tricks are we talking about here?" He teased. He knew that this would make her uncomfortable and he was determined to win.