Seeing Sense (Kira)

[Lotus]

Tentatively she moved closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder lightly. "Thank you Greyson..." She said softly, in more of a whisper than her actual voice. She knew she couldn't live without him and slowly, the more time she spent with him, the more she was forgiving him. She wasn't mad at him any more. Yes she was a tiny bit hurt when she thought about what he'd said to her, but even that was slowly fading. "You're the best." And this time she meant it. She could not do this without him; again.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this with me again though. It can't be easy for you to put up with me in this state." She snuggled into his neck slowly and took a deep breath. She was conscious of her breath though; she had just thrown up. She felt the vein in his neck pulsing and it seemed to be rapid, but she just took it as him being scared she was going to go off into one again. She wouldn't let herself think of the other possibility.

She swallowed slowly and moved back a little, covering her mouth a little. "I feel sick again..." She pulled away from him quickly and lifted up the toilet lid again, retching into it with nothing coming out. She had nothing to come back up any more. She was empty.

[Deleted]

Grey felt almost happy at her words. It seemed like she wasn't mad at him anymore but he still knew that they were going to have to talk about what happened between them at some point. He had a lot of explaining and apologising to do. He felt bad at how she was apologising. Didn't she understand that he wnated to be here for her because that way he knew that she was ok and that she was getting help? It was because he cared and that meant it didn't matter if it was easy or not.

he began to shake his head in response but she moved in close. He could feel her light breath against his skin, like a feather brushing gently against him. She was so close to him and his arms instinctively made thier way around her small frame. His heart began to beat faster and he didn't quite know why, but he knew that having her so close like this was a good feeling and that he didn't want her to have to move away from him.

But she did. Only he moved with her, rubbing her back and holding her hair again. Trying to do everything that he could to make his all so much easier for her. "I'm here. I promise Rae."

[Lotus]

Rae pulled back and rested her head against the lip of the toilet, breathing in deeply. "I hate this..." Her voice croaked out. She didn't understand why she was being sick so much. Maybe it was her body's reaction to having food in her all of a sudden, but wasn't it a good thing to have food in her? She shook her head, not really understanding. She didn't want to retch again.

She turned her head to the side slightly and saw Grey still sitting there. She felt his fingers on the back of her neck and it sent strange sensations through her skin, but she wasn't allowed to think like that so she forgot the thought entirely. "Maybe if I brush my teeth..." She trailed off and looked up to the sink, pushing herself up using the now lower toilet seat to her sink. She reached for her brush and grunted at the strain it put on her back. But soon enough she was being pushed back down and Grey was up and getting everything she wanted. She watched him in awe, but as he turned her around he obviously clocked her and shot her a strange look. She quickly flitted her eyes away and fiddled with her toothbrush in her hand.

[Deleted]

Grey could see the way that Rae was struggling. Finding it hard to support herself. She was so weak, she really needed to eat else he was scared she might not make it. He couldn't think negatively though. He needed to be strong and look after her - make her get better. He could do that if he tried. He saw how difficult it was for her to support herself upright, he had to help her.

He gently pushed her back down so that she was sitting on the floor. He was scared she might collapse if not. He handed her her toothbrush and took a small step back so that she would have some space. He was tidying up her bathroom a little bit when the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Someone was watching him. He spun round to see Rae staring at him. A strange feeling flooded the pit of his stomach. Full of anticipation and excitement. But just as quickly as it was there, it was gone again and he had lost eye contact.

Grey lowered himself down on the floor next to Rae. He didn't know why other then it meant he could be closer to her and therefore help her more. He liked being close to her, it made him feel warm. Happy. Safe.

[Lotus]

Rae thanked him with a nod of her head and squeezed some toothpaste onto the brush. She brushed the as vigorously as she could and then realised she needed to spit it out. She turned to face Grey again not too worried about the pink flush in her cheeks as it had calmed down a fair bit. She looked to him and raised an eyebrow and pointed to the bathroom. Her cheeks were filled with minty froth from the toothpaste and some of it was escaping her mouth. She saw the glint in Grey's eyes and moaned, why couldn't he just lift her up instead of laugh at her.

She sighed and turned away, grabbing onto the side of the basin, placing her feet in front of her; solidly on the floor, and the pulled herself up. Moaning as tears sprang to her eyes, but she'd made it. She swayed slightly and had to close her eyes before she leant down and spat the froth out into the sink. She turned to Grey, and swayed a little more, but he was still laughing. She guessed it was funny, especially seeing as she still had toothpaste all across her mouth. She turned back to the sink and turned on the tap, trying to steady her feet on the floor at the same time. She washed her face slowly, cringing from the stings on the few cuts on her face as they touched the cold water.

She jumped though when she felt hands wrap gently around her hips. She let out a little yelp and her head shot up, but she realised the comforting feel of Grey standing behind her and she relaxed. Well, that was until she saw her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes grew wide with horror, but she couldn't look away.

[Deleted]

Grey was watching Rae out of the corner of his eye whilst sitting next to her. He was trying to be serious and helpful. Be the type of best friend that she would want. Someone to look after her right now. But when he saw her face he couldn't help it. He tried to suppress it. Pursing his lips tightly. But he couldn't hold it in. He just burst out laughing at the toothpaste. He knew he shouldn't make fun of her but the fact that she was always so neat and clean and then saying her with toothpaste all around her mouth was just too funny. He returned to being five again.

But then he saw her swaying and he sobered up immediately. She needed his help and he knew that now. He silently cursed himself for not having noticed sooner but he was up on his feet in a flash. He didn't know why he chose to help her in that way but he found his hands resting gently on her hips in support. He was worried when she jumped but then she relaxed and he found his thumbs circling her hip gently.

He looked up at the mirror and his eyes met Rae. She was staring at herself with a horrified expression on her face and that made him feel so worried about her. "It'll get better..." He promised. It had to.

[Lotus]

Rae sighed and rested her head backwards to lean it against Grey's chest. She closed her eyes and tried to stop the tears flowing down her cheeks again. "Will it really...?" She trailed off. She looked horrific; gaunt, pale and bruised. She wanted to wipe the image from her mind, but she couldn't. She never wanted to get this bad again. She never wanted to put Grey through this again. "I won't cause so much trouble ever again..."

She sighed and concentrated on the motion of his fingertips on her hips. It was oddly soothing and she slowly felt herself relaxing into him. Soon she pulled away and turned around so she could wrap her arms gingerly around him, trying not to stretch the healing skin across her back too much. It hurt just at that small movement. "I really don't deserve to have a friend like you Grey, thank you."

[Deleted]

Grey smiled sadly back at the mirror. He knew she was hurting so badly and he just needed to find the right words to ease her pain and make things better. He would make her better. He would. "I promise..." He whispered softly into her ear.It felt nice having her lean against him and his heart beat picked up. It was going so fast that he was certain that she could hear it. "Never think like that... its not your fault." He soothed. Attempting to make her feel better.


He smiled gently and took a deep breath. His heart hammering against his chest so hard that he was surprised she didn't say anything about it. He gently brought his arms up to wrap around her small and frail body but he was scared of hurting her torn skin so he barely rested them against her body. "You deserve so much better then me and I'm so sorry I hurt you.."

[Lotus]

Rae shook her head and hid her head further into his chest. She heard the beating of his heart, but it seemed too quick. It sounded like it was in overdrive and she started to worry about him but his words caught her off guard before she could. She pulled away from him slightly and looked up into his eyes. "Don't say that. I don't deserve better. You're been there through everything and I've known you too long to know you deserve better than me." She smiled sadly and felt tears spring to her eyes, "We've both done stupid things."

That was her way of dealing with things. Grey knew that. Whenever the other did something to hurt the other she would always say both of them had been stupid in their own way. She never wanted to blame Grey for anything, he meant to much to her. She could blame Tristan for a lot of things, yet she still tried to find her own faults in where things went wrong with him. She never really hated anyone, until Fontanna came alone. The instant Grey introduced her to Fontanna, she instantly disliked her and as the weeks went by and they were still together she started to hate her. Now, that could've been due to the fact she was jealous, but back then she had never thought of Grey as more than her best friend.

She sighed and pulled away from him. "You must be tired Grey..."

[Deleted]

Grey smiled sadly. She was trying to protect herself from all the hurt he had caused her. She was trying to shift the blame onto herself a small amount too. It wasn't her fault though, it was his. He just didn't know if he could persuade her otherwise. But she wanted to move on from this and he knew that he was going to have to let her. He wanted to do whatever he could to ease her suffering. She didn't deserve it. She was such a good person, an amazing friend. He wished that he had been there to stop all of this from happening.

He smiled gently and looked at Rae. Yes, he was tired but not as tired as she looked. Her thin frame was gaunt and she had deep and dark circles under her eyes. She needed a good, long sleep. "So are you... so come on, lets get you to bed.." He said gently. Standing up in front of her before reaching down and hooking his hands under her armpits. She was so light that it scared him.

[Lotus]

Rae tried to smile softly up at him, but as he picked her up her smile turned to a grimace at the pain it caused her from such a gentle movement. She sighed and clung on as tightly as she dared. He put her gently down in the bed and she sighed, it was far comfier than she remembered it being, but maybe that's because she was just too exhausted to really realise it.

She turned slightly to look at Grey and she looked him over. He was exhausted, but he still looked okay. He even looked upbeat after breaking up with Fontanna. She smiled softly, maybe Fontanna didn't have that such of a hold over him like she first thought. "You don't have to sit on the floor all night." She patted the space next to her and shifted over a little; her bed was big enough for the two of them.

When he finally finished mentally arguing with himself about whether or not to sleep on the bed, he stood up grudgingly and laid down next to her, but the look on his face worried her. She reached up and slightly shaky hand and cupped his cheek. "Grey? What's that look for? You don't have to sleep here if you don't want to. You can go home."

[Deleted]

Grey was trying so hard to be careful with Rae, he was scared he would hurt her. He thought he was being light and gentle but evidently not; based on the grimace that altered her beautiful face. Beautiful? Huh? Where had that come from? Granted, he had always thought she was pretty - but he had never said she was beautiful - she was his best friend. He shook his head slightly has he placed her down on the bed, trying to wipe the thought process from his mind.

He stared at her blankly after he offer. Sleep in the same bed as her? He didn't think they had ever done that, had they? No, they'd slept in the same room before and as kids they had slept on the floor together; but in separate sleeping bags. Suddenly the thought of sleeping in her bed made him nervous but he didn't understand why. It was such a stupid thought. He would say no anyway. That way he wouldn't be able to roll over and hurt her. But some part of his brain was screaming at him to say yes. Telling him that it would be better for Rae if he slept in her bed because she would know that she wasn't alone. But there was also a selfish part to this voice that was telling him to do it because he wanted to. He did want to. He didn't know where the feeling had come from but he wanted to be close to her, it felt nice being close to her. But he could hurt her. That was the last thing he wanted.

But suddenly his body was moving without his permission and he found himself lying down on he bed next to her. The worry about hurting her still whizzing through his brain. He turned to face her and chewed his lip. "I'm not leaving you Rae." He said resolutely. That was the only thing he was sure about right now. "But... I'm... I could... what if I hurt you?" He stammered out, he was so worried.

[Lotus]

Rae removed her hand from his cheek and looked into his eyes. He truly did look worried, but she knew his worried face and this wasn't completely it. She just couldn't figure out what the other hint of a look was. She'd never seen it on his face before when he was with her so she just couldn't fathom what it was or where it had come from.

She tried to smile softly, "You can't hurt me. You're a light sleeper and you literally never move from the same spot." She reached over and laid her hand over his. "I trust you. I just don't want you sitting on the floor all night 'cause I refuse to leave." Even though she knew she didn't want him being uncomfortable all night for the sake of her, she knew it wasn't the only reason. She wanted him closer to her because he made her feel safe. She felt warm with him close by and that's all she wanted.

She looked up from their hands and saw him watching her when she caught his gaze. She felt her cheeks heat up slightly, but luckily he couldn't see in the dark room. "W-What...?"

[Deleted]

Grey looked at Rae and felt a wash of emotions that he couldn't fully understand. She was being so selfless right now, playing down the fact that she was in pain and that he could make it so much worse because she didn't want him to worry. But it wasn't just the fact that he might hurt her that was worrying him. He was happy that he was getting to be so close to her but that scared him also. What if he did something? What if without thinking he treated her like he had done Fontanna? He couldn't do that because she was just his best friend and she didn't see him that way. Heck. He didn't know if he saw her that way, he wasn't sure what his feelings about her where right now. But she couldn't know.

He smiled gently and shook his head. "Nothing." He wanted to brush it off but at the same time he just wanted to let it burst out. All of his worry about her and the fact that she was so skinny, the fact that she was hurt, the fact that she had trashed her office. But he couldn't do that.

He made a point of lying down but keeping her hand in his. He didn't want to relinquish that contact but at the same time he didn't want her to push this any further.

[Lotus]

Rae smiled softly and for the first time in weeks she let herself snuggle into the pillow, feeling safe and calmer. She knew it was down to Grey just being here, but she didn't want to dwell on that because in her weird state of mind right now anything could come out of her mouth. She slowly let her eyes close and she felt Grey's hand tighten around hers slightly and she squeezed it back just a little.

"Good..." She let out a yawn, but this tired state was coming down far heavier than usual. She just hoped it was her body being too exhausted to cope any longer that it needed sleep. She didn't want to think that this could actually be the end or her body was going to shut down into unconsciousness. She couldn't think about that, but in a way she was happy if it was going to happen that way. She had her best friend with her with her hand in his and she felt safe. That was the best way. "Night..." She finished before slowly drifting away.

[Deleted]

Grey smiled gently as he heard Rae's breathing become more regular. She was asleep and she even seemed peaceful. He really hoped that that was the case because he didn't want her to be in pain anymore. He just didn't know if he could take that pain away. He wanted to, he really did. That was the thought he had in his mind as he drifted off to sleep.

2 weeks later

Things had been going well. Well if Grey was trying to be positive. But in truth he was still just so worried about Rae. She had put more weight on and for that he was sop relieved. He had just looked at her this morning when she came out of her room - she had been able to sleep on her own for the past two nights - and he could just see that she wasn't so thin anymore. There was even some colour coming back to her skin. But she was still so much skinnier then she had been before. Before all of this horrible time had happened. Grey was still angry at himself for having hurt her the way that he did, and for that bitch Fontanna too. He was even angrier.

Grey had been so worried about her that he had moved in and taken up her spare room; giving up his own flat before having to pay next months rent. It had meant he had been able to keep an eye on her. Make sure that she was eating again and that she was actually getting up in the morning rather then spending all day in bed. She still hadn't left the house. Rae had tried it once, at the end of the first week. She had gotten as far as the pavement outside her front door before someone stared and she ran back inside. Grey had spent a good ten minutes shouting at the inconsiderate git.

Now she just spent all day in the house. Grey had given her his old T.V so that she would have something to do. He had managed to clear up the house and remove all evidence of her breakdown, he hadn't wanted anything to remind Rae and set her off. Patrick had helped with that a lot, distracting her whilst Grey cleaned or helping him clean. He hated to admit it but he did need the guys help; even if he still didn't trust him. Her office had been the hardest thing to clear and it had taken them a long time. He had sheepishly tried to approach the topic with Rae but she had sort of shut down; he hadn't said anything about it since then. He had tried to get her to draw again but she wouldn't. It had made him even more worried but he was trying his best not to show it.

But things were starting to build up and he knew he needed to talk to Rae. Find out exactly what she was thinking and try and make things as good as he could. He was so worried that he wouldn't be able to get her back to herself this time. He had walked in on her crying in the bathroom just the day before - he had gone into the bedroom to tell her that dinner was ready and had heard the soft sobs coming from behind the closed door. He didn't know if she knew that he knew. But he was going to have to bring it up somehow.

Grey moved from his position at the end of the sofa so that he was closer to Rae who was curled up in the corner. "Rae..." He said softly, she looked up and he swallowed. How was he going to be able to say all of this. He still felt so awful for having caused this all, the entire situation was his fault. Becaue he had been drunk and incredible stupid. She was watching him now, he couldn't quite work out the expression that was on her face. He was nervous and found himself reaching out a hand to take both of hers in his. It was to steady himself as much as her.

"Rae... I'm so sorry..." He whispered. And then it all just fell out. "Rae, I'm so sorry that I was stupid enough to hurt you the way I did. None of what has happened is your fault. It is all mine. I should have known that someone like Fontanna was no good if she would't let me hang out with my best friend. You are so much better then her, and Tristan. We are so much better then both of them, and you are the best person of all. I am so unbelievably sorry that I couldn't see that before. I have never wanted you to get hurt and I am going to to do my best to try and make it up to you and make you feel better. You helped me see clearly Rae, without you I may never have left that bitch and then I would never know how I feel about you. Because I know now that you're my best friend. But you're more then that. You mean so much to me, it breaks my heart to see you so hurt and upset. But every time you reach out for my hand, every time I brush back that one stubborn strand of hair that won't go where it's supposed to, every time you're mouth turns up into that beautiful smile of yours my heart soars. It's like my stomach's doing a million backflips, like I've just been electrocuted. But its a good feeling. One that fills me up with something that I don't understand. I'm so sorry for all that I've done to hurt you Rae and I am never going to do that again. I'm also sorry for this." He finished.

Grey had never meant to say all of that, but he had and now he realised that it was all true. He had especially never meant to have done what he did next. He suddenly lent forward and released one of his hands from hers, only to rest it gently against her cheek. Brushing back that strand of hair. Grey lent forward and crushed his lips against hers. It was like a tingling shock running through him that was euphoric.

But then he pulled back, staring at Rae's face. Praying for some sort of reaction - preferably a positive one.

[Lotus]

Rae felt herself becoming stronger everyday, but she couldn't explain to either Patrick of Grey how she was really feeling. She was too caught up on the inside to really take much notice of the outside world. Patrick tried to distract her as much as possible, and he even introduced her to his boyfriend one day. Yes, Patrick was gay and it was the first time she had smiled properly since she'd come home. Ever since then she found it slightly easier to smile at little things and they always seemed far more genuine.

Grey and Patrick had persuaded her to go outside around a week ago and she thought she could handle it; her back and ankles had healed considerably and she looked a little better. But little did she know that not even being outside for five minutes would cause her so much stress. Someone stared at her and wouldn't look away; it scared the living daylights out of her. It was like they were sizing her up or deciding what she had done wrong now. It was safe to say she hadn't stepped foot outside again. Grey also tried to get her to draw again, but she wouldn't. She would blank out whenever drawing or designing was even mentioned. She wouldn't listened when they tried to ask her why. She didn't want to know anymore.

But she was getting there. She still had her moments when she'd trash something in her home, but she hadn't stopped eating again. Grey was with her pretty much 24/7 so she couldn't not eat in the first place, but she was thankful for him being near. She had missed him more than he could possibly imagine and just knowing he was one room away allowed her to sleep fairly peacefully at night. She still had nightmares about her little box room, but they were slowly fading, but she never slept for more than a few hours at a time which usually meant she slept during the day.

It was around seven o'clock and she was starting to feel tired again as she curled up into the couch. Patrick and his boyfriend; Walter, would be arriving soon and she needed their company. Grey had even seemed to ease off after being introduced to Walter. She smiled softly to herself as she snuggled down, but she was brought back by Grey. He held her and she couldn't look away as she spoke. She was confused as to what he was saying, it all seemed rushed to her and she had barely understood a word of it. As his finger lightly brushed her skin, whilst tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she felt electricity shoot through her and she couldn't help but feel warm inside. But then his whole hand was cupping her cheek and his lips smashed against hers.

Her eyes flew wide, but she could barely enjoy it from the shock of it all. She couldn't ignore the surge that shot through her body but she didn't have time to try and enjoy it when he pulled back. She shifted a little away from him and felt her cheeks flush a deep shade of red at what had just happened. She could tell he was staring at her and she ducked her head away from him. "What... What the hell was that Greyson?" She shook her head and stood up, shakily. "Don't try and think that something like that's going to bring me back. I'm tired of having my world come crashing down on me so don't you dare think you can do something like that to me. We're best friends and nothing more. I don't understand Grey. You have never liked me in that way, it's always been one sided-!" Her voice rose slightly at the end and her eyes flew wide once again.

What had she just done? She'd just told him. She shook her head and stepped away before turning and heading for the stairs. What had she done? When she reached the landing and was just about to close her bedroom door she heard a knock on the front door. "Great..." She mumbled under her breath.

[Deleted]

Grey thought that he was shocked with himself for what he had done. But he was even more shocked by Rae's reaction. He knew that it was a long shot, that kissing her was the worst thing he could have done because he had gone and ruined their friendship. But some stupid part of his brain had gone into override and he had done it anyway. But it had been the wrong thing to do. The look on her just told him everything. She was horrified, appalled even. He had just gone and ruined everything.

But her words. He hadn't expected her words to affect him as much as the look on her face. She was just so accusing. So angry at him. He had never meant to have made her angry. But now, maybe he had hurt her even more then he had done before because she didn't want that. He had ruined everything. But he was so confused, what had she meant about it being one sided? He didn't understand and it wasn't exactly like he could ask about it because she had run off. He was just sitting there, feeling like he had been hit by a train. His whole life was falling apart around him because he had done one stupid thing. "I'm sorry.." He whispered but it was too late.

Grey buried his head in his hands. He should go after her, he knew that. But she was just so angry that that wouldn't be a good idea. He stood up, he needed to go and talk to her. To explain. To apologise. But jsut as he took a step towards the stairs there was a knock on the door. Patrick. Damn.

Grey went to open the door, he didn't know what he could think or say. He was just lost and he found himself staring at the guy in front of him.

"er... hello Grey?" Patrick questioned. It snapped Grey back to the present.

"Come in." he mumbled, standing to the side. He didn't know what to say. How was he going to explain that Rae had locked herself in her bedroom because he had been stupid enough to kiss her?

"What's going on?" Patrick asked, turning to look Grey in the eye. It felt like he could see into his soul and work it all out for himself. Grey kind of wished that he could.

"I screwed up..." Grey found himself admitting. "I kissed Rae and now she's gone and locked herself in her room and everything's ruined and its all my fault" He fell into a chair and buried his face in his hands. Lost.

"Stay here." A commanding voice said, followed by heavy footsteps on the stairs.

[Lotus]

Rae curled up on her bed with tears streaming down her face at what had just happened downstairs. Grey had just kissed her! She should be happy and jumping for joy, yet she was hiding in her room crying her eyes out. It just wasn't right. It should never have happened. Grey just felt sorry for her, that was all. The thing was he sounded so sincere with what he told her and she was finding it hard convincing herself that it was all fake.

But could she really let someone else in like that? She shook her head, she couldn't. She'd been crushed too many times and she didn't want it to happen again. Tristan and her had been friends when they'd got together, yet once they'd broken up they became sworn enemies. How could she let that happen with Grey? She couldn't. She didn't want to lose him.

A light tap on her door caused her to moan out a 'go away', but she knew they'd come in anyway. She peaked up from behind her hands to see Patrick and Walter as they entered her room. Walter was a fairly tall man, with sleek black hair and piercing grey eyes. He was like the complete opposite of Patrick in his mannerisms and looks, but they got on together like they were made for each other. You saw them together and you couldn't help but feel envious of what they had together. She groaned and rolled away from them, only to have Patrick grab her shoulders gently and roll her back. The two of them pulled her up into a sitting position and squashed her between their shoulders as her own slumped and her head ducked down.

"What are you doing hiding away up here?" She brought her face up a little to meet the gaze of Patrick and a new set of tears formed in her eyes. She shook her head and tried to turn away but his hand caught her chin. "Tell me Rae." His commanding demeanour was starting to show more now they were friends, but she didn't know what she'd do if he didn't have that persona. It had helped her so many times.

"H-He kissed me... It's wrong..." She shook her head and the tears fell down her cheeks. She felt Walter's hand stray into her hair, in a way he'd realised comforted her when Patrick and Grey had gone off to talk.

Patrick simply shook his head and sighed, "He really does love you. You just can't see it 'cause you've decided to put up a shield to anything that will let you be happy again. Not everyone in this world is going to hurt you. Greyson-" They still weren't on nickname basis yet. "Hurt you once. Can't you see how sorry he is? He misses the way things used to be and he knows he did wrong. Heck we all could've helped more. He feels for you so much and it's tearing him up downstairs that you walked away. Blimey, if I didn't bat for the same side I'd kiss you."

She heard Walter clear his throat and she knew he was raising his eyebrows before he sighed. "True. He would and I would too."

Her face flushed a shade of deep red at their words and she shook her head as she pulled it from Patrick's grasp. "But Tristan and I were friends and now we're enemies. I can't lose him. I'd rather be friends than anything else. My feelings for him have always been one sided, so what's changed his mind all of a sudden? He's a man now and I've known him my whole life, yet his feelings towards me have never been more than friendship."

This time both the men sighed and it was Walter's turn to take over the talking to. "You're stubborn Rae. You love him more than you care to let on and I've seen the way he acts towards you. He's made mistakes but those mistakes have only made it clearer to him that you're the one for him. If I can say that as well as Pat, then surely it must be true. He wouldn't kiss you for no reason. He wouldn't want to mess you around like that."

She looked up to him and gazed into his eyes, seeing how serious they were now. She turned back to look at Pat and saw the same look. She heard footsteps outside her door, but they weren't stopping. It was Grey. He was heading to his room. She took a deep breath and calmed her shaking. "So I guess I go and make it right now then?" She looked to the two of them for conformation and they nodded their heads with their own signature smiles spread across their faces. She smiled softly back and stood up, making her way to the landing.

She turned back to see them whispering and glancing in her direction, before they both grinned and kissed each other softly. Rae felt rude for watching something like that so quickly looked away. It was wrong to stare. She smiled softly though; those two really were in love.

She walked down the hall and took a deep breath as she stopped outside the spare room which was now Grey's room. She knocked lightly and tried to calm her shaking hands down again.

[Deleted]

Grey was beside himself. He didn't know what to feel, he was a whole myriad of emotions. He was so angry at himself for screwing everything up again; for being so selfish and not considering how his actions would affect Rae and make her feel. But he was also a tiny bit proud of himself for finally saying, what he now realised, he had been thinking about for years. But that was soon dissipated by the overwhelming sadness that he felt over Rae's rejection. His mind was such a mess and everything seemed so wrong.

He couldn't let himself just sit down here, he knew that. But he didn't want to face Rae, she had been so mad at him and he couldn't deal with that. He was a coward and he knew it. Grey found himself climbing up the stairs and heading for his room, before closing the door he let his eyes linger on her shut door. But he couldn't go in.

Grey slumped on his bed and did something he didn't want to do, he had never planned to drink again after how much he had hurt Rae last time. But there was bottle in his dresser and he went to open it and take a long and deep swig when he heard a knocking at his door. He assumed it was Patrick or Walter. Rae would never come and see him. He didn't want to see them but he knew they wouldn't go away. Both of the men could be very persistent.

Grey slowly eased the door open and his mouth formed a perfect 'o' on seeing the person facing him. "Rae..." He breathed, the bottle of alcohol still clutched in his hand. He had never expected her to come and talk to him, even if it was to shout at him he wasn't expecting her to come so soon. "I'm so sorry..." he whispered. He had lost his voice and all sense of self confidence. He felt like a miserable wreck.

[Lotus]

Rae looked up at him and a sad smile formed on her lips. She saw the look on his face and the words he said broke her head, "No, I'm sorry..." She trailed off and looked back at her room. "May I come in?" Grey looked stunned but he stepped back and allowed her inside. She saw the bottle in his hands and she knew she'd caused him to do this to himself. She sighed and took a step closer to him. She heard his intake of breath, but she tried to ignore it as she kept her head down and slipped the bottle out of his hands. She placed it on his dresser and looked back at him.

"I didn't mean to walk away... It's just..." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her hands started shaking again and she felt her head becoming light. She felt hands on her arms as they guided her to the bed. She was sitting down and her head felt better, but her hands wouldn't stop shaking. She felt the bed dip beside her and knew it would be easier if they were sitting down. She could reach him that way. "You scared me is all. I always thought my feelings were one sided, so when you kissed me it scared me. I thought you just wanted me happy. But I can't bare to lose you. If things went wrong between us I didn't want to become enemies, like Tristan and I. I didn't want you to walk away..." She ducked her head down and her shaking slowly calmed down, but not by a great deal.

She opened her eyes and turned to face him but he was looking away. Slowly she reached up her shaking hands and cupped his face so he would look at her. "So, this is for you..." She leant forward, trying to keep her hands steady as she kissed him lightly on the cheek.

[Deleted]

Grey managed to recover from his shock of seeing Rae wanting to talk to him enough to notice that she was shaking. It reminded him of the fact that she still wasn't well and he needed to help her. That was why he guided her to the bed. He thought for a moment before sitting down, deciding that it was the best thing for him to do right now.

He listened to her and tried to process what she was saying. Did this mean that she felt the same way too? Could that be what she was trying to say? Maybe it was. But that didn't make sense for why she walked away then. He grew angry at the thought that he would treat her any way like Tristan had. He would never do that.

He was too scared to look at her after hearing what she had said. He didn't want her to see the hurt in his eyes because it would only make her feel bad. But then she kissed his cheek. It wasn't what he had been hoping for and the way she had spoken before hand suggested to him that she didn't want to think of him in that way. He smiled sadly at her. "I'm so sorry.." He whispered before standing up and running a hand over his face. He looked down at her and took a deep breathe. "I never should have put you in that position." He whispered.

[Lotus]

Rae shook her head and looked up at him before pushing herself to her feet and taking his hands in hers. "Grey please? Why won't you listen to what I say?" Had she really just put all of that out there for him to push her away? She looked into his eyes, or tried to, he had them closed and he was fidgeting. She sighed, she knew what that meant. She let go of his hands and he walked away from her to the corner of his room. She knew from that that Patrick and Walter had been wrong. He had been confused and that was all. He thought it was the right thing to do at the time and was now regretting it.

She sighed and walked over to his door, tears forming in her eyes. She opened it and stepped onto the landing before turning back to him. "When... When you want to talk you know where I am..." She took one last look at him and knew she should comfort him but her heart was being crushed all over again and tears were threatening to fall. She walked away and closed the door behind her, heading back to her room. She opened to the door to see Patrick and Walter still kissing, and fairly ferociously. Patrick caught her attention and pulled away, struggling to breathe. His eyes went wide and Rae was rooted to the spot. Why did it hurt when she saw them like that? Maybe it was because she'd just tried to tell Grey her feelings and it had gone down the pan. Yes, that was it.

She sighed and turned away and out of her room. Patrick tried to call her but it was too late, he was too entangled with Walter to be fast enough. Rae tried to run down the hall, but it was too painful and now the tears were falling. She managed to make it to her studio and she slammed the door shut behind her, turning the key in the lock so no one could get in. Her eyes grew wide at the place; it was tidy. Now her tears were streaming down her cheeks and a quiet sob escaped her lips. She stormed over to her desk and snatched up a sketch pad and a pencil before her knees gave way and she crumpled on the floor. She tried to wipe at her eyes as she vigorously drew across the blank canvas. She'd sworn she'd never do this again, but it was like a calling.

[Deleted]

Grey chewed his lip but didn't turn around. He knew he should turn around and say something to her, make Rae see that he did care about her and was serious. The way her voice broke as she spoke tore at his heart and made him feel awful. But he couldn't turn around because he was pretty sure after what she had just said that she would reject him. He was serious but she didn't think that he was and he didn't even know what to think about how she felt. He'd just managed to hurt her again and make everything worse.

He waited until he was sure that she had gone before picking up the bottle on his dresser and making his way over to his bed. He sunk down and took a long swig. He didn't know what to do anymore. He was completely lost. He cared so much about Rae and had meant everything he had said. He wanted to talk to her but he was scared that what he might tell her would push her away and then he would lose everything.

His head lifted up as the door open and he went to hide the bottle in the hopes that it was Rae. But it was just Patrick so he took another long gulp before opening his mouth. "What do you want?" He asked, it came out harsher then he had meant it as the cold liquid burnt down his throat. Patrick seemed to be weighing him up, looking between Grey and the bottle.

"To talk." He replied, walking over to the bed. He pulled out the chair from behind the desk and swung it so it was in front of Grey on the bed. Patrick sat down and looked at him. "Stop drinking right now." He demanded.

Grey looked him over. "No. What's the point?"

"Cause you won't get her to listen to you and know that you're serious if you're drunk." Patrick said matter of factly. Grey was a little stunned. He didn't know if he should be annoyed that Patrick knew what had happened or not. He didn't say anything.

"Look, I know what happened between you and Rae. I also know how she feels about you and the fact that she came in here to try and sort things out between you two, to tell you that she feels the same way. So why on earth did she come into her room practically crying before running out again?" Patrick looked at Grey sincerely and he swallowed. Putting the bottle on the ground.

"so... you're saying that she likes me?" He asked tentatively.

"Yes!" Patrick sounded exasperated. "Now go and find her and sort this out."

Grey felt a smile form on his face filled with a twinge of guilt at how he had reacted towards her. He stood up slowly. "Take things slow with her ok? That will probably help you guys." Patrick offered sincerely.

"Thanks man," Grey replied, giving him a small smile before heading out of his room. He went towards Rae's room before remembering what Patrick had said about her running out of there. He wandered down the corridor and the stairs trying to find her. He walked past her office and stopped. It seemed illogical that she would be in there, she hadn't gone in there for so long. But at the same time Grey knew that was where she was.

He knocked. "Rae? Can... can we talk?"

[Lotus]

Rae was sketching like now tomorrow, her hand flying across the page as she tried to get her feelings out into this one sketch. It was a dress which came to mid-thigh at the front and mid-calf at the back; in a soft of train, with slightly ruffled shoulders and a plunging neck-line. The colours she used were simple, a deep pink and charcoal black. The deep pink was used for the main part of the dress, and the charcoal black was used for the piece of material that came from the waist of the dress to make the length at the back. She hadn't drawn in such a long time so it was fairly messy, but she had to give it a name and she knew exactly. In her elegant script she wrote 'Heart Break'; simple yet effective.

She looked up and rested her head back against the wall. A knock on the door sounded and she turned towards it expecting to see someone, but then remembering she'd locked it. She heard the voice and her whole body stiffened. Her tears had stopped flowing but she was still falling apart inside. "Get. Lost. Greyson." Why did he have to make things worse? Hadn't he said enough, when he hardly said anything at all? "I don't want to talk to you and I'm pretty sure I'm the last person you want to talk to. So why don't you go and tell Patrick that he's wrong and he shouldn't have sent you to me in the first place. That's the only reason you came anyway; I know you too well to know you wouldn't come off your own back."

Her tears came back after that and she threw her sketch pad across the room in disgust again. She heard the door knob turning and Grey's exasperated sigh, but she turned away from the door. "Go away Grey."