Changing Our Ways (KIRA)

[Lotus]

Saga watched with what could only be construed as puppy dog eyes as Lawson got up and left. She noticed how he had hardly eaten a thing and then he just got up and left. She shook her head a little and looked around at the, what now seemed to be, empty table without him. She looked up to Ash and he simply nodded his head softly, "If I could be excused too?" She felt bad leaving the table, but she'd finished where as everyone else was going back for seconds.

After she'd seen the nod from her dad she pushed away from the table and slowly got to her feet, trying not to show how much sitting there like that had caused her the pain she was in now. She slowly walked out of the dining room and into the living room to see if he was there. Sure enough he was sitting on the window sill, looking at her sketchbook with a sad sort of smile on his face, stroking Hope. Saga couldn't help but smile herself.

Being as quiet as she could she walked a little closer to him and barely above a whisper she said, "I guess you found it then...?" He jumped slightly and she smiled softly, taking a seat down next to him; whimpering as she tried to get comfortable. "What's wrong Lawson? I'm worried about you."

[Deleted]

Saga startled him and he looked up a little sheepishly. He knew he shouldn't be looking at this sketchbook, she hadn't wanted them to. But she didn't want to talk about that and that shocked him just a bit. her question caught him off guard, she was worried about him? Did that mean she cared?

Lawson chewed his bottom lip and looked back at Saga. He couldn't tell her the truth, he wouldn't. That would ruin their friendship and his bond with Ash. He wasn't going to ruin their lives just because of how he felt. "I... well I guess I'm worried that I'm in the way of your family, I'm a guest but I don't know if I'm taking to many liberties..."

[Lotus]

Saga shook her head and smiled softly. He still had her sketch laid out on his lap and she wanted to take it away, but hadn't he smiled when he'd seen it? He had, so there could be no harm in him looking for a little longer. Instead of reaching out to move her sketchbook, she took hold of one of his hands and squeezed it as hard as her frail hands would allow her.

"Don't think like that. You're more the family member than Ace was, so stop fretting over it. I don't want you feeling uncomfortable here and you should never feel that way. Liberties, well, we're clearing Ace's room out for you so I don't think there's anything in this house you couldn't do; other than y'a know, the obvious." She saw him raise his eyebrow and she knew she was rambling, she always did in front of Lawson when they were alone. "Burning the house down?" She saw him smile and saw the way his shoulders relaxed.

"You really are like a big brother to me at the moment Lawson and I'm really glad I met you. Please don't feel like the odd one out?"

[Deleted]

Lawson looked up at her and smiled. why did Saga have to be so nice to him? It only made it harder for him to suppress what he felt. A big brother. That was how she saw him, nothing more. Lawson felt a little dejected. He knew it had been hopeless to even think that he had a chance, but that hope had still been there. Until now anyway. But that was ok, he could cope with that. It would make things alright. He would still be there to protect her. She said so herself, she wanted him around.

He smiled softly, "thank you" He whispered, tracing his fingers over the drawing he held in front of him. It was nice to see.

[Lotus]

Saga watched the change of expressions on his face and couldn't help but squeeze his hands tighter. "You have nothing to thank me for. You're the one that's done so much to help out a stranger and I can't thank you enough." She moved in closer to him and smiled softly. "Besides, if I was stupid I wouldn't realise how great you are as a person. But I'm not, so I can see it and I'm not letting you go." By the end she was grinning and she rested her lightly on his shoulder; feeling him relax.

She brought her head back up and stared at her sketch that he was now tracing with his fingers. "Do you like the finished thing?" She whispered softly.

[Deleted]

Lawson smiled gently, how was it that he had managed to have Saga be part of his life so quickly? Despite not being able to have her the same way that Ash did he was just grateful that she was there. Even if it was just as a friend, she was one of the best friends that he could ask for.

He looked down at the picture in his lip. Gently stroking the drawing, "finished?" He asked questioningly. The drawing was definitely finished when it came to him and Ash but Saga was faint, barely even there between the two of them. Lawson had just assumed that she was going to finish it after dinner but she seemed to think that she was done. Had she forgotten? Surely not, she was looking at it. Why didn't she want to fill herself in? Lawson didn't understand.

"What about you? You're not complete?"

[Lotus]

Saga looked up to find Lawson staring at her intently and she felt her cheeks flush slightly. She nodded her slowly and looked back down to the drawing. "It is finished. I'm finished..." She looked away slightly, trying to calm herself down. "I don't see the point of finishing myself off when it's perfect already." She smiled up at him softly.

She pushed herself back and leant her back against the window, feeling the cold. "Do you not like it then...?" She looked back down at the drawing and tried to hide her face with her hair. It was so straggly now from all the time in hospital and being beaten. It wasn't nice anymore and nothing about her was either.

[Deleted]

Lawson was confused. It wasn't perfect, the drawing was amazing yes. But not perfect. It couldn't be perfect if it was only him and Ash. Saga's beauty needed to be there as well in order for it to become perfect. But she didn't seem to think that she should be in.

Lawson looked at her, he so baldy wanted to reach out and gently tuck her hair behind her face. To show her beautiful face. To gently caress her cheek. But no. He couldn't do that. She was Ash's girl and not his. He was filled with longing though.

"Of course I like it..." He said, it was true. The picture was amazing. She was really talented. "But I think you could do so much better... you know, if you put yourself in it... just like real life and the fact that you make a room brighter just by walking into it..."

[Lotus]

Saga stared at him with her mouth agape slightly. He really wanted her to finish it of properly. She shook her head and when he turned to face her she felt a tear slide down her cheek slowly. She reached forward and gripped his shirt as tight as her battered hands could and whimpered slightly from the movement. She felt him tense but then he instantly relaxed a little and she felt comforted that he wasn't totally creeped out by her actions.

She shook her head again as another silent tear slid down her cheek. "But I can't draw myself in a picture if I know it'll ruin it. I don't make a room brighter, I make it duller because of all the crap I cause..." She shook her head again and fisted her hands tighter, despite the pain and the whimper that slipped out. "Please don't tell Ash..."

[Deleted]

Lawson smiled sadly, he wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around her but he didn't know what Ash would think if he saw that. But he couldn't just leave her like that. He gently and cautiously lifted up his hand and rested it on the top of the arm. Stroking her arm gently with his fingertips.

"Saga... You could never ruin any picture, you don't cause any crap... look how happy you've made Ash" Lawson said comfortingly, then more quietly, "and me..." Lawson glanced out the window, he didn't know whether what he had said would have helped. He wanted it to more then anything, but he just didn't know.

[Lotus]

Saga nodded her head slowly and pulled away. She looked at her fists holding his shirt and slowly unclenched each finger, contorting her face from the pain. "I've made you happy too? How does that make sense when you got beaten up on the second day of knowing me?"

She reached over and took her sketchbook, closing it and laying it away from them. She placed her hands in her lap and looked down. This guy never made much sense.

[Deleted]

Lawson looked down and chewed his lip. What could he say to that? How could he tell Saga that she had made him happy because he loved her when she wasn't allowed to know that he felt that way? She would just think he was making it up to comfort her when she really did make him happy. But then he thought about the title of the drawing and realised that he knew what he could say.

"Because you've become my friend and you've brought my brother back to me..."

[Lotus]

Saga nodded her head slowly and moved away from him. "I guess..." She rested her head up against the window and sighed, looking down at her hands. "You make no sense Lawson. Still..." She looked up briefly, before she felt tears threatening to fall down her cheeks.

"If I didn't cause crap then you wouldn't have been beaten up, neither would Ash and I wouldn't have gotten into a situation where I was...where I was..." She trailed off and hid her head in her hands. She brushed off his attempts at comfort. How could she really get those words out of her mouth? How could she say them? Saying them would mean they would be more real for everyone rather than her.

She pushed herself off the window seat and whimpered from the sudden movement. She gripped onto the wall and made her way out of the room. She walked into the hallway and made her way to crawl up the stairs. She made it to the top of the stairs and tears were falling silently down her cheeks. She stumbled to her room and shut the door behind her before crawling onto her bed and hiding away from the world; chewing on her bedding to try and quieten the sobs that broke through her.

[Deleted]

Lawson suddenly felt awful. The pain in Saga's eyes when she thought about what had happened to her. Lawson didn't care about him being beaten up and he knew that Ash felt the same. Both of them would do it a million times over if it was to protect Saga. But what that brute had done to her!? That made Lawson so mad and poor Saga so upset. He wanted to comfort her but he didn't know how to do it properly.

Lawson hated himself but he just let her go. He couldn't follow her because he didn't know what to say. He picked up the book that she had left behind and looked down at her drawing again. Just then Ash walked into the room. "Where's Saga?" He asked.

Ash had been worried when she had gotten up and left but he didn't know what to do about it. So he had sat at the table politely with her parents and then helped them clear away afterwards. But the whole time he had been thinking about Saga and whether or not she was alright.

When he was done he headed straight to the lounge because that was where Lawson had gone. He found Lawson but no Saga. He was filled with worry at Lawson's reply. "She went upstairs I think," He said. Ash nodded his thanks and left the room. He sprinted up the stairs two at a time. Filled with worry and anguish.

Gently he pushed open their bedroom door. "Saga? Baby?"

[Lotus]

Saga hadn't heard someone approaching, but when they called her name she froze and her sobs died in her throat. Ash. She couldn't let him come near her, she couldn't. "G-Go aw-ay." Her voice cracked and she clenched her jaw around her bedding tighter and covered her ears and face with her arms and hands as a new wave of sobs and tears overcame her.

How could she have put herself in such a situation? Why had she asked to go out in the first place? It had only brought everyone trouble. If it had just been her, then fine, but she'd roped her whole family into it; her mum, dad, Ash and Lawson.

Lawson, the boy she'd known a day before he had been beaten up in an attempt to protect her. Yet, she hadn't made it worthwhile by getting lost and allowing what happened to her happen. How could she get through this and still have a relationship with anyone?

[Deleted]

Ash was shocked. He hadn't realised that Saga was crying. He had been worried about her but now he was more then just concerned. He was a little bit panicked. He ignored her request and rushed over to her side. He gently reached out a hand and used it to pull her arm away gently, he was cautious about where to touch her now.

"Saga.. darling? I'm not going away.. please tell me what's wrong?" He asked her gently. It seemed like a silly question because he knew what was most likely wrong. After everything that had happened to her he could hardly expect her to be ok. But that didn't stop him from wanting to be there for her.

[Lotus]

Saga's sobs stuttered when she felt herself being moved. She tensed all her muscles and tried not to move. She didn't want him to see her like this. "J-ust leave m-e al-one!" Her voice cracked in all the wrong places. She couldn't tell him what was wrong. She was meant to be okay. She couldn't let them worry more than they already were for her.

How was any of this fair? How? She started crying again and this time screams raked through her body; some slightly muffled by the bedding she started to chew on again.

[Deleted]

Ash was startled and very worried. He knew Saga was telling him to go away but he wasn't going to do that. He wasn't going to leave the girl he loved when she was crying and upset. He couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. He wasn't going to leave her crying like this. When she started to scream Ash abandoned his earlier cautions and moved up onto the bed. He lay down next to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Saga... Saga...shh shh baby.. it'll be alright, I promise... I'm here and I'm not going anywhere... please let me help?" he tried to soothe her. He didn't know what was going through her mind though and that left him even more worried.

[Lotus]

Saga finally stopped screaming, scared she would upset more people if they heard her. She chocked on the bedding in her mouth and spluttered as more tears ran down her face. She felt Ash behind her and she wanted to say she felt instantly comforted, but she didn't. She was more scared for him than before.

She hid her face again and sobbed. "It's a-ll my fa-ult! Mi-ine!" She fisted her hand in her hair as she cried louder this time. She felt Ash's arms tightening around her and that just made matters worse. "I'm s-o-rry." She repeated over and over again. How did she let this happen? How did she let someone rape her?

[Deleted]

Ash was even more shocked. How could Saga blame herself? How? She had done nothing wrong. None of this was her fault. She had never done anything to deserve all of this pain and hurt. Ash wanted to, needed to, comfort her and make things better. He tightened his grip and was thankful that the side he was laying on wasn't his broken rib. He reached out a hand and gently stroked her hair.

"shh... shh... no need to apologise now... none of this is your fault, none of it! It was all of those arseholes and I will get them for what they did to you. I promise!"

[Lotus]

Saga shook her head and cried out at his words. She shifted suddenly so his grip weakened and she rolled off the bed, lying in a heap on the floor and pounding it with her fists. She curled up into a ball and screamed; people would hear her now. How could she be so stupid?

Between her sobs and screams she managed to choke out and yell at Ash. "It is my fault! And I don't want you making promises about this!" Suddenly she sat up and stared at him as he still laid shocked on the bed. She fisted her swollen, bruised hands together and glared at him though her tears. "It's my fault and I don't understand why everyone hasn't just walked away from me. You've been beaten up twice for me and this time you got a freaking broken rib Ash. Lawson. I've known him and day and he's already been beaten up. Ace has moved away. My parents are a wreck and I'm still here. I'm still here to cause trouble."

Saga shook her head as she hid her head in her hands. "D-Don't tell me it's n-ot true." She saw him move and she shifted away. "D-Don't touch me..." She trailed off and when he came closer it finally hit her what had happened. She could never be the same again. She would never feel happy with anyone touching her or kissing her; she'd gone and ruined that. "I was r-ra-ped Ash so don't... Please..." With that she stood up on shaky legs and backed away from him.

[Deleted]

Ash was stunned into silence. Seeing her like this, so upset and angry. It tore at his heart so badly. But he didn't know what to do, he couldn't change what had happened no matter how much that he wanted to. He couldn't stop her getting hurt. He wasn't able to make things better again because he knew that what had happened would always be in Saga's mind no matter what he did to distract her. He was lost. Lost and unable to help. Stunned when she said about his rib! How had she known? who had told her? Surely not her dad, so who?

Ash stared at her for a moment before finding himself moving over to her. He couldn't just let her sit there on the floor crying and screaming. He loved her and he needed to be there to comfort the girl he loved. The girl who meant everything to him. That was all that was important right now.

Ash's breath caught in his throat when she said those words. It just made it all so much more real, ever since finding her in that alleyway it had all felt a bit like a bad dream. But now that Saga was talking about it it made it real and true. It had happened and Ash didn't know what he could do about that. He was hurt that she didn't want him near her but then he could also understand why. He wouldn't touch her but he wasn't going to leave her alone like this. He couldn't.

Ash stood up with some effort and looked at Saga. The tears streaking down her face. But she was still beautiful. He took a step towards her and held up his hands, palm up. "Saga... I'm not going to touch you, I promise.... but I'm not going to leave you alone... I still love you Saga and I can't let you be hurt and upset like this alone... I can't..."

[Lotus]

Saga shook her head, making herself dizzy which caused her to stumble over her own feet and hit the floor with a thump. She whimpered and cowered in the corner, still shaking her head. "Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" She gripped her hair tight in her hands and hid her face on her knees as she let off another blood curdling scream.

This time she heard the pounding of feet up the stairs. Her door swung open and Lawson, her dad and her mum were standing there with terror in their eyes. She moved further away from everyone and squashed herself further into the corner. She didn't want them to see her like this. She'd cause enough damage already. "G-o aw-ay!" She gurgled as a new wave of tears and sobs raked through her.

[Deleted]

Ash stood there stunned into silence. He didn't know what to do or say. His girl was curled up in a ball screaming and crying and not wanting him to go near. But he couldn't just leave her like that. He couldn't! He glanced up on hearing footsteps and stared pleadingly at the others.

Lawson had made his way back into the kitchen to offer any help that he could to Saga's parents. They had been talking when they heard the scream. "What the hell is going on up there?! What is he doing to my daughter!?" Her dad snapped angrily. Her mum just looked petrified. The three of them ran up the stairs, dread filling Lawson's entire body.

That was when they saw Ash. They heard Saga but no one moved. No one was going anywhere apparently. Lawson looked between his brother and Saga. He could see ash's eyes glistening, he was on the verge of tears. Her dad seemed to look at Saga and Ash and take a different perspective.

"GET OUT!" He shouted at Ash, he just stared back blankly looking completely stunned. He didn't understand what was happening or why her dad was shouting. Ash crumbled to his knees with a groan. He wanted to reach out and hold Saga to him and comfort her but she didn't want him to touch her.

"I WARNED YOU ABOUT HURTING MY DAUGHTER! GET. OUT. NOW!" Her dad shouted again.

[Lotus]

Saga heard her dad shouting and she screamed louder. Why was this all getting out of hand? Why did she always have to cause drama and heart ache? She heard a thud on the floor and suddenly looked up. Ash was on the floor wit his head bowed. What had just happened?

She shot to her feet and stormed forwards, standing in front of Ash. Despite everything she did still love him. Despite everything she still wanted him around. She was just confused. She didn't understand her emotions. Everything had just hit in one swoop and she was lost in a daze of tears, hurt, anger, frustration and worry. She hated every moment of this.

She glared at her father through her tears. "Don't you dare tell him to leave. It's not his fault! None of this is anyone's fault other than my own! All mine. All he's ever done is try and help me. It's not anyone's fault for what happened to me. It's not anyone's fault I was ra-ped..." Her voice trailed off as she took in the shocked looks on everyone's faces. More tears flowed down her cheeks as she sobbed again. The next thing she knew was her head hitting her wood floor and her vision going after her knees giving way underneath her.